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Open Poetry #6
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eyesplus2
Member
since 2000-03-02
Posts 163
australia

0 posted 2000-03-06 12:55 PM



....tic....tock....tic....tock..........the time goes on........beat....beat.......the heart beats..........the time of our life....follows the beat of the clock......but the time of our love follows the beat of our hearts.......never ending...........beating together as one beat.........the beat of life.........the beat of joy....the beat of happiness....the beat of love......I love you so........tic....tock......beat.......beat........


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hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
1 posted 2000-03-06 09:51 AM


I'm going to suggest the same thing on this one...your poetry makes a great deal of sense, but as it is presented is hard to deal with...again, perhaps try something like:

tic tock
tic tock
the time goes on

beat beat
beat beat
the heart beats

the time of our life
follows the beat of the clock
but the time of our love
follows the beat of our hearts

never ending
beating together as one beat
the beat of life
the beat of joy
the beat of happiness
the beat of love

I love you so
tic tock
beat beat


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