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Open Poetry #6
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help! Help! HELP!! Need feedback!
| Open Poetry #6 |
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help! Help! HELP!! Need feedback! |
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Breathe~ Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 315Washington... |
This Friday is my boyfriends b-day...This poem is supposed to be accompanying a hoard of ballons...You see...my boyfriend was in a serious car accident last month...and has been in a wheel chair for 6 weeks now...(though he will be up on crutches in a week...YES!) Thus excluding him from b-day spankings this year...So we came up with this prank...24 balloons filled with messages from loved ones and friends...and this poem to go with it... Please tell me what you think...I know I am not much for lighter poetry and my rhyming could make a dog howl...but feedback would be wonderful!! If you can think of something better....write it down! *grinning* Thank you for your time...  )Denise... ************************************** For the 24 years of terror and play, You richly deserve your SWATS today! But sadly enough, with your posterior broken You are unfairly spared our hand print tokens. Oh! But never fear our busted one We shall STILL have our evil fun… The loved ones cheated their desired spanks, Have come up with a much more amusing prank 24 balloons were designed for our amusement… But ultimately for your deserved embarrassment… Filled with lot’s of “who knows what”? From all the people denied their SWAT. So pop away! Pop with reckless abandon! Out falls a note for our Birthday boy Jason BUT what each explosion truly represents Is a good hard slap upon your broken hind end… Happy Birthday…to our Couch jumper extraordinaire!!! Freedom of expression is the watch word... |
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| © Copyright 2000 Denise Blackwell - All Rights Reserved | |||
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
Denise, I think this is cute no matter how it's formatted, as it comes from the heart!!! Wish him a happy one for me to huh??? Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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Majestic Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 264houston, tx. |
this is very clever...im sure he will appreciate it.. "To live is to love; To truly LOVE is to live!" ~kg~ |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Breathe~ this is really good just like it is! Don't worry, it's fun!  I'm sure it will make him feel good!-SEA |
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jascanvey Member
since 1999-12-26
Posts 130England |
Send it just how it is, it's great!  |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Doesn't need to be any better than it is... full of fun and love... I'm sure he'll enjoy. |
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Corazon Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209 |
yep add my vote for as is, its perfect! |
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fool Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 61 |
I really dont think, you need to change any of it lol, he will love it Im sure. |
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Breathe~ Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 315Washington... |
Thank you everyone! I was afraid he would read this and look at me like I was a big DORK! *L* But I feel better now... )Freedom of expression is the watch word... |
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Echo Rhayne Senior Member
since 1999-09-17
Posts 1495Canyon Country, CA |
LoL, well I am sure it depends on his sense of humor (cause the majority of us here well, nevermind) but if he has even a slightly good sense of humor he should enjoy this too! And heck, if he has a GREAT sense of humor, he should LOVE it! I know I do! Did Jesus laugh? I think He did, 'cause He was once a little kid; and all of us were made with joy both sugar-spice girl and snake-snail boy! |
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