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Open Poetry #6
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Breathe~
Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 315
Washington...

0 posted 2000-02-28 12:31 PM


Shadows deepen
as the rain softly dissolves
against the glass
like displaced water color
Branches tap quietly
in time to a desolate wind
whispering of
distant dreams
Her face one with the glass
the coolness soothing
upon her cheek
as she watches the rain
Soft sighs
spread like tiny white trails
across the pane
fading quickly
like forgotten moments
soon replaced by others
doomed to the same fate
Her eyes search the darkness
each heart beat
brings the dawn closer
Bewildered shadows
fall to her feet
love dying
within the rivers upon the glass..




 I love the time
and in between
the calm inside me
in the space
where I can breathe...

Sarah McLachlan

© Copyright 2000 Denise Blackwell - All Rights Reserved
Corazon
Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209

1 posted 2000-02-28 02:47 PM


oh, I know this picture....really great writing...you paint your words well poet friend
Cerenity
Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 2637
Escondido-California
2 posted 2000-02-28 02:47 PM


Hi Breathe,

What a beautiful poem, I have done this very thing, pressing against the window pane and watched the water run down.

Thank you,  Cerenity

Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263

3 posted 2000-02-28 03:05 PM


What a neat way to describe a reflective (small pun intended) moment like this. Lovely writing.

~ Claire

Breathe~
Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 315
Washington...
4 posted 2000-02-28 09:07 PM


Corazon
  That is the ultimate compliment..coming from you...

Cerenity
   I find it soothing...I love the rain...

Meadowmuse
  Thank you...


 I love the time
and in between
the calm inside me
in the space
where I can breathe...

Sarah McLachlan

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

5 posted 2000-02-28 09:18 PM


Breathe, this is just stunning.  Been there
many times myself...I could actually feel
the coolness of the glass.  Beautiful portrayal.

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
6 posted 2000-02-28 09:42 PM


Breathe~
Your work keeps getting lovelier
and lovelier.
I like the softness of the rain as it slips down the window pane.
Is there a woman who has not 'been' there?
Nope, don't think so ...
thanks for painting the moment so well.
~*Marge*~



 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

7 posted 2000-02-28 10:19 PM


Beautiful writing, Breathe! This is excellent!

Denise

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
8 posted 2000-02-29 12:34 PM


"fadded quickly like a forgotton moment", lovely lines.  Wonderful poem
Mistikman
Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682
San Jose, CA, USA
9 posted 2000-02-29 12:39 PM


Great poem Breathe~ I have sat and stared at a window pane during a rainy day, and I find it rather soothing, although at the same time a little saddening. It is a good time to sit and reflect on life
Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
10 posted 2000-02-29 07:24 AM


What a wonderful poem, I love poems about the rain, the meloncholy puttering sound against the roof or window. It does conjure up a certain sadness. This mixed with your poetic talents wrought a poem of the highest caliber.
Liz

Breathe~
Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 315
Washington...
11 posted 2000-03-01 02:26 AM


Thank you all... )

Martie...somethings fade...while others remain for a lifetime.. )

Marge...as usual...your comments warm my heart...

Serenity...you are too kind...thank you!  

Mistikman...I like your perception...reflections of life...think I may retitle this...*g*

Elizabeth...a true compliment coming from you...Thank you...

Denise...last but never least...thank you too!...


 I love the time
and in between
the calm inside me
in the space
where I can breathe...

Sarah McLachlan

RufffRyder
Member
since 2000-02-25
Posts 143
<------Over There------>
12 posted 2000-03-01 02:43 AM


Breathe~this is a very nice piece here.
I can visualize every word that you`ve written.
Thank you for the read Breathe

Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
13 posted 2000-03-01 03:03 AM


This was a wonderful poem, ~Breathe.  Exceptional ending.  Loved it.


Michael

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

14 posted 2000-03-01 07:07 AM


Just wonderful!!
Well done

January Flowers
Member
since 2000-02-01
Posts 209
South Carolina
15 posted 2000-03-01 07:13 AM


OH! This is super!  I W A S that girl with her face pressed up against the cool glass...your words put me right there, feeling everything I read.  Sigh.  You have done a great job in this writing, Breathe!  I'm envious of your talent for putting such a "happening and thought" into such perfectly descriptive words.
Mike
Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462

16 posted 2000-03-01 08:43 AM


Nicely done...  I enjoyed muchly.
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