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an experiment
| Open Poetry #5 |
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an experiment |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855
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I know I said I wasn't going to write anything more for a while, but let's be honest, here. I wanted to try something new, so here goes: I'm going to, for the sheer heck of it, come up with a poem right on-screen ... no editing or anything. Just a dry run all the way through, warts and all. Here goes... -under the sun- She asked me what's it like to be me? I was too busy shooting down my luck With rabbits' feet, matted fur, stuffed In my pockets like god's great promise. What's it like to be me? Was this Her breakup line? Previously, she'd tried Over the phone to convey her lack of emotion. I'd hung up. So this was how it was going to end. My friend had come over from Arizona for a visit. His boots eere suspiciously free of red dust. It turned out he lived in Colorado. What a disappointment. He came because he wanted to meet her. Now He'd be stuck with my inscrutable face, And a place under the sun, under a palm tree, Under the carbloated freeways with my bickering. He gave me the feet. Said I could use them. They weren't even real fur -- dyed weird orange, And was that a bone I felt? Or a wire? "Thanks," I told him. When my ex-girl drove up, I put a bullet into the clouds. No, not real. Just my words and my grasping last ache. What a disappointment; but at least the clouds bled. |
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| © Copyright 2000 MPC - All Rights Reserved | |||
whiskey
since 1999-12-28
Posts 1278Australia |
This is great, I never edit my poems I write them how they are and I find they are better that way , well done  |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Interesting - it is amazing what can emerge - I do a bit of both - some are just as they are, some are structured (in freeverse! LOL) It is good to experiment. Nicely done. |
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Paul Hoekman Member
since 1999-12-28
Posts 382Harwinton Ct. U>S>A> |
Nice Bsquirrel, I have not tried free wheeling yet I think it would be to much pressure for me although you obviously handle it well. Paul |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Yeah, it is interesting what can emerge. Sometimes I just ramble into a recorder, and am surprised by the nearly fully formed poems that come out. Notice I said nearly. I still think it's important to edit yer final product down to what you think is the closest to what's in your head. But it's nice to break loose and just see what comes out. |
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