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Open Poetry #5
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Bojopy
Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 391


0 posted 2000-01-03 07:38 PM




A flame, my flame, our flame
Has burned before, but nevermore
Our flame, a flame, my flame
will always just be yours
My flame, our flame, a flame
is all that I wish for


 


© Copyright 2000 Bojopy - All Rights Reserved
Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap
1 posted 2000-01-03 07:41 PM


I like the repeated lines ...

But -- this comes across as somewhat unfinished -- did you mean to do it that way?

Or perhaps just a spur-of-the-moment dance with the pen?

shrug.  

--Kess


 You cannot choose the way of your death, but the path you choose will determine its own end.


Bojopy
Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 391

2 posted 2000-01-03 07:45 PM


Thank you... and yes I did want to add to it but my thoughts always seem to astray when I write and I like to finish stuff later but I think this one is better unfinished. To ^^^

patchoulipumpkin
Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196
Bermuda
3 posted 2000-01-03 07:46 PM


I really enjoyed it, but would agree with skyfyre that it does seem wanting for more.  I like the repetition, its works well.
Echo Rhayne
Senior Member
since 1999-09-17
Posts 1495
Canyon Country, CA
4 posted 2000-01-05 10:56 AM


I like how it keeps ya guessing, whether the flame will continue burning or wither and slowly fade away...   I like

 ~*~ ^i^ ~*~ Love is such a lonely art, and death is but a taste. Minds are merely instruments that often go to waste! ~*~ ^i^ ~*~

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