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Open Poetry #5
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Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania

0 posted 1999-12-27 07:18 AM


DECEPTION

Well within the time alotted
Many ventures we have plotted
Most went down in musty dust
But one lived in survival's must

But good or bad they all were tried
And all worthwhile, though lived or died
For those that fell us to the ground
Taught how to save one still around

But uphill was the weary plod
And many a night I prayed to God
And many a day we were in need
With little for the mouths to feed

Unexplainable in many ways
The drive to work the seven days
And no one thought the task was worth
Such sacrifice, this life on earth

But as years passed and life went on
T'was fruits of labor that were won
And easier the task each day
And shorter hours was the pay

But greater yet the trophy won
Inherent values taught a son
And all the offspring learned from strife
Survival skills to last a life

And some would say luck is our fate
With no regard the heavy weight
They did not taste the bitter pill
And do not know the strength of will

It seems the ones who criticized
Now look on with longing eyes
Deception often plays a role
In envy of another soul

Elizabeth Santos

© Copyright 1999 Elizabeth Santos - All Rights Reserved
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
1 posted 1999-12-27 07:27 AM


You weave a great story, my friend... I particularly like the closing stanza - It says a great deal in just a few words.....
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
2 posted 1999-12-27 08:06 AM


Elizabeth,
Your words weave ropes about me tight.
The truth to read a very hard sight.
Excellent poem.
Love ya,
Sy

Echo Rhayne
Senior Member
since 1999-09-17
Posts 1495
Canyon Country, CA
3 posted 1999-12-27 09:04 AM


This is great, and I agree with Nan about the last stanza!  Great job with this one!


 ~*~ Hell is not a place of fire and a devil with a tail and horns. But a place of torment because the light of God is gone. To escape this, accept the blood of Jesus Christ! ~*~


Nate Dogg
Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658
Georgia, Fulton
4 posted 1999-12-27 06:41 PM


Great poem with a deep understanding. Thanks for this truthful poem Elizabeth.

 Nathan

Elizabeth
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871
Minnesota
5 posted 1999-12-27 06:44 PM


Another masterpiece, Elizabeth. I especially liked the last two lines.

Elizabeth

 Nail to the mast her holy flag,
Set every threadbare sail-
And give her to the god of storms,
The lightning and the gale!
-Oliver Wendell Holmes



RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023
United Kingdom
6 posted 1999-12-27 07:06 PM


Excellent!!!

HUGS

 Don't ask me where I'm going, just listen when I'm gone and far away you'll hear me singing softly to the dawn.


Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
7 posted 1999-12-27 07:17 PM


Thank you all very much for your comments on this poem
And Sy, please don't choke!
Liz

Georgia
Junior Member
since 1999-12-22
Posts 32

8 posted 1999-12-27 07:42 PM


cant help but read your poem and think you have a wealth of wisdom in that head and heart of yours..nice!
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
9 posted 1999-12-27 07:53 PM


Elizabeth, my friend -
Very richly stated.

'But uphill was the weary plod
And many a night I prayed to God'

A lot to be said for this thought.
Wonderful of you to share.
~*Marge*~


Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
10 posted 1999-12-27 08:12 PM


My favorite lines:
"and all the offspring
learned from strife
survival skills
to last a life"

A truly great poem Liz--wise and wonderful and so well done.

 In the dew of little things,
the heart finds its morning
and is refreshed.
(ee cummings)

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

11 posted 1999-12-27 08:22 PM


The people who envy the fruit certainly would not have wanted to participate in the toil part of it, would they? Human nature is such, sadly. Wonderful poem, Elizabeth! Thanks for sharing another slice of your life!

 Denise



Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
12 posted 1999-12-27 08:25 PM


Thank you georgia, Marge, and Martie, your compliments overwhelm
Liz

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
13 posted 1999-12-27 09:19 PM


Thanks, Denise
I thought I'd just bring my little picture to your house and you could scan it, but it seems we have about the level of computer literacy. I'll just describe myself instead.
See ya,
Liz

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

14 posted 1999-12-28 06:14 AM


Lizzy this is one of your best.

Very heartfelt and strong, great work!

K

Paul Hoekman
Member
since 1999-12-28
Posts 382
Harwinton Ct. U>S>A>
15 posted 2000-01-16 10:54 PM


This is FANTASTIC
and I am a big FAN!


  

HelmutB
Senior Member
since 2000-01-06
Posts 964
Canada
16 posted 2000-01-16 11:50 PM


Elizabeth as always great work
Enjoyed it all the way
Liked the ending very much
Lessons to be learned

 The ability to describe life with words is similar to painting a picture; both can be powerful tools.


WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245
Illinois
17 posted 2000-01-16 11:56 PM


Very, very nice! Loved it.

 <*\\\><
Where there is faith,
there is love.
Where there is love,
there is peace.
Where there is peace,
there is GOD.
Where there is GOD,
there is no need.

Hallmark



hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
18 posted 2000-01-17 04:24 PM


Love the last stanza!!
devina
Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539
Cali
19 posted 2000-01-17 05:53 PM


I ditto the last stanza Liz, breathtaking!!!

 Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
20 posted 2000-01-17 05:57 PM


Kamla, Thanks for responding way back in the last millennium! I've just noticed this for the first time. Thanks, dear
Liz

Paul, I don't know where you dug this thing up. But I loved the little fan - hilarious! I got a goog laugh. Thank you
Liz

Helmut,
Your responses to everyone's poetry are so kind. You're just a nice guy. Thanks for the comments
Liz

WD Thank you, glad you liked this poem
Liz

Hoot, nice to see you're active. I hope you're getting better. Thanks

Devina, Thank you



[This message has been edited by Elizabeth Santos (edited 01-17-2000).]

Danny Holloway
Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034
Tulsa, OK
21 posted 2000-01-19 12:08 PM


I especially liked, "But greater yet the trophy won, Inherent values taught a son".
I give this poem 4 STARS!
Danny

 

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
22 posted 2000-01-19 12:25 PM


A wonderful poem, Elizabeth!!! The last verse is powerful enough to be a stand-alone poem... but the entire poem is great!! Well done!!!

(But could you tell me where you get those "goog" laughs? LOL... Resident Brat, bowing out! *G*)

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
23 posted 2000-01-19 04:08 PM


Danny,
Thank you for the stars
Glad you liked this poem

suthern,
Thanks for your compliment. You are not the first to remark about the last verse. Perhaps I should scrap the rest of the poem
You're sweet, thanks
Liz

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