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Open Poetry #5
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She Walks in Silence
| Open Poetry #5 |
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She Walks in Silence |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania 
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She walks in silence with head bowed looking at the floor always looking downward never into my eyes in tunnel vision with no peripheral awareness of those around her What truth does she hide from me that she cannot look for fear I'll see deep into discovery into the mirror of her mind exposing the inner self So young is she to have a tortured eye hiding truth hiding pain of experience and horror What shall I do to make her look at me and perhaps smile a smiling eye so remote from her thoughts not yet free to laugh And I, curiously watch her hoping she will slip and her glance will accidently meet mine I sit and wonder what's behind the Cambodian eye that cannot look up not yet not yet ready to lift itself from the comfort and security of the tiled floor not just yet Elizabeth Santos [This message has been edited by Elizabeth Santos (edited 01-02-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Elizabeth Santos - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Astraea Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 378California! Yeah! Okay, I'm done now |
Very lovely. This one hit close inside. Very beautiful. Me like. ~Astraea "Sometimes stars can only be seen in darkness." "Sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier things." |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
Very beautiful poem Elizabeth, might I ask who this mysterious girl is? Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Astreaea, Thank you. this is my second attempt at free verse, which I have notice you write beautifully. I'm not very comfortable here yet. Devina, Her name is Sokunthvery. She was 14 years old when she came to my English class in the 70's, along with about 20 other teenagers from South Vietnam, Thailand and Cambodia, housed for a time at Fort Indiantown Gap in Pa. She saw the ravages of the Kmer Rouge and so did her 2 sisters who were also in my class. But this one didn't talk for a long time. Her sisters said she was intellectually incompetent, but I never believed it. She turned out to be my star student, was the first in the entire class to become gainfully employed after high school, and I met her on the street one day with nothing but smiles on her face. Thanks for your comment Liz |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Elizabeth, Wonderful insight and a wonderful poem. The bits and pieces of your life that I've gleaned are showing you to be a very literate and very tall person. Once more great insight and wonderful poem. |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Sy, I'm not that tall, 5'6.5". But I do know a precious jewel when I see it, and she sparkled. Thank you for the very kind comments Liz |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Elizabeth - This is quite a story...How devastating the experiences these children endured - How wonderful a feeling to finally see that smile...  |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Smiling and applauding here.....I knew you could do it and do it as wonderfully as this. Wonderful free verse Liz, your breaks come at proper times to accentuate things that need attention drawn to them. It flows smoothly to the end. You carry your storyline well and everything comes off clearly. Overall a very nice package that represents well done free verse. Big smiles here. Hugs  |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
As much as I love your rhymes, this is certainly a powerful piece. There are times when the subject matter and the feeling involved get watered down when trying to fit them into rhyme schemes and that's when free verse is at its best....and you have used it excellently here. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
This is wonderful, Elizabeth! I'm so glad it had a happy ending. It is a shame that so many young children have to endure such horrors. Denise |
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Pepper Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079Southern Florida |
I echo all that has been said before me Liz, and add that this is an exquisite piece.... A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extraordinaire! Shannon |
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broker6 Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 132Bellevue, NE, Sarpy |
hard hitting and right on target! |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Nan, Yes, hers was just one story. I had a boy in my class who got on the very last plane out of Saigon, and I asked how he had managed to get on that plane. He said there were thousands of people surrounding the plane, pushing and cramming. So his father had the children climb up on top of the crowd, walking on peoples heads and shoulders til they got to the plane. They all made it safely onto the plane. Thanks, Nan, for the comments Liz Hoot, I had tears in my eyes when I read your comments. I wrote this as I do all my poems, very quickly, the first thing that comes out. This was written as fast as I can type. But your explanation of the difference between prose and free verse was excellent, and so having read that, I felt no need to describe the girl at all. Thank you for your help and thank you for your lovely comments. Liz Balladeer, Thank you for reading and commenting. I always appreciate the opinions of those who have so much more experience with poetry than I do. Thos is all so new to me. Thanks Liz Denise, Thanks so much Pepper, Thank you for reading and for the lovely comments. I've got to write you an e-mail Liz |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Freeverse! Wahoo!  I love this, Liz - it is sensitive, tender and as Ruth said - beautifully structured. I am impressed my friend. K...I am not a painter, I am a poet... F. O'Hara |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Kamla, I am humbly bowing before the goddess of free verse, and thanking your reverence for kind remarks to this lowly peon of a poet. Liz |
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Echo Rhayne Senior Member
since 1999-09-17
Posts 1495Canyon Country, CA |
Wonderful free verse, terrific story, very good!! ~*~ ^i^ ~*~ Love is such a lonely art, and death is but a taste. Minds are merely instruments that often go to waste! ~*~ ^i^ ~*~ |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Lizzy!   !!!!You are a wonderful poet...and I will continue to say so - OK? K...I am not a painter, I am a poet... F. O'Hara |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Elizabeth, this is absolutley wonderful!! and I agree with Severn, you are a truly wonderful poet!! What comes from the heart goes to the heart. Samuel Coleridge |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Echo, Thank you for reading this one which had slipped to the back. Appreciate your comment Kamla, Gosh it's good to see you back, I can't stand it when you're not here, evn for a day Liz Dark Angel, Thank you and I would make that same comment about yourself, Liz |
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whiskey
since 1999-12-28
Posts 1278Australia |
Liz, A wonderful story so glad the ending was happy I feel so much for these children and what they have to go through |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
Elizabeth: Well told, very well told.. HUGS Don't ask me where I'm going, just listen when I'm gone and far away you'll hear me singing softly to the dawn. |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Whiskey, The South Vietnamese are very fun loving people, a true delight, a pleasure to teach. The Cambodians in my class had seen the most horror, it seems. It was more difficult for them. Thanks for commenting. Liz Rainbow, Thank you very much for your compliment Liz |
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