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Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap

0 posted 2000-02-03 01:28 PM


The Secret Garden

A barren waste, a stretch of sterile soil,
A blemish on the spirit's solemn face:
So waxed my heart in wake of treason's toil,
For I had labeled it forbidden place.
No more would I entreat the luscious green
Which only served the serpent's form to hide;
No longer would provide pastoral scene
Where thorns of harsh betrayal might abide.
And yet, your winsome smile hath placed its seed
Without intent, upon that vacant earth,
And fed with quiet hopes and secret need,
A bud of rarest splendor found its birth.
Such tender grace doth blooming Love impart
When nurtured in the gardens of the heart!

If aught is truth in reaping what you sow,
Then I should find my soul an endless field
With seas of swaying blossoms all aglow,
For such a fertile hope hast thou revealed
In me, with but a brush of gracious hand,
That I suspect my cup shall overflow,
And spill my joy upon the thirsty land
To further urge my passion's seed to grow.
I shall in wonder stand, my soft regard
So rapt upon this wondrous verdancy,
And there remain, until my spirit's yard
Hath overgrown with you, and swallowed me.
A monument I'll stand, with blissful face,
Entwined in evergreen of Love's embrace.
< !signature-->

 Full fathom five thy father lies,
Of his bones are coral made,
Those are pearls that were his eyes;
Nothing of him that doth fade
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange...


--William Shakespeare, from The Tempest





[This message has been edited by Skyfyre (edited 02-05-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Linda Anderson - All Rights Reserved
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
1 posted 2000-02-03 01:33 PM


Skyfyre, this is soooooo dreamy! Loved it!   -SEA
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
2 posted 2000-02-03 07:23 PM


Lovely as always  
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

3 posted 2000-02-03 08:23 PM


WOW Gotta love them sonnets!!!
Simply beautiful, Kess!!  Well done, as always!

Denise

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
4 posted 2000-02-03 08:42 PM


Oh, I can relate to this so well--beautiful!
jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
5 posted 2000-02-03 09:25 PM


Beautifully written, Kess.  What's frustrating to me is I bet this took you a fraction of the time it would have taken me.  

 Jim

"If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther


Mike
Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462

6 posted 2000-02-03 11:18 PM


My favorite form of poetry, the sonnet, especially when so beautifully done.
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
7 posted 2000-02-04 07:16 AM


I'm sure that you think in iambic pentameter... Do you converse in it as well? I really think you must....

and I particularly like the final couplet on this one... Nice job, my friend..

Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263

8 posted 2000-02-04 08:32 AM


Kess, this is just hypnotic. Not sleepy, by any stretch, but surely serenity's song! What a gifting you have imparted with this work! Absolutely dream ~ invoking.

One very minor constructive (I hope) crit ... In the second stanza, fourth line, if you were to invert "thou" and "hast" I think it might verbally roll a bit easier... at least, it did for me. Could be that I'm still reading with "Foggy Mountain Mornin' mind" though!  


"For such a fertile hope hast thou revealed"

All to be told, I believe this is one of the loveliest poems (of ANY form) I have read, ever, and I am not the least bit surprised by that.  

Take care,
Claire

JennyLee
Senior Member
since 1999-09-01
Posts 1461
Northwestern, NJ.
9 posted 2000-02-04 11:19 AM


So waxed my heart in wake of treason's toil,
For I had labeled it forbidden place.
No more would I entreat the luscious green
Which only served the serpent's form to hide;
No longer would provide pastoral scene
Where thorns of harsh betrayal might abide.

Simply Exquisite Kess My Friend

Jenny Lee

Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap
10 posted 2000-02-05 12:27 PM


SEA:  Thank you!    

Ruth, Denise:  You two are the backbones of this place.  Thank you so much for your support -- it means a lot.    

Martie:  Glad I touched a chord with you my friend.

Jim:  LOL -- I promise I won't tell you how long it took me to write it, then.  Thank you for reading.    

Mike:  Such praise from a poet like yourself is gratifying -- I appreciate it.    

Nan:  I don't converse in IP, but I do believe I think in it to some extent -- LOL.    

Claire:  Thank you for the read and the advice -- it was taken, as you can see.    

Jenny:  Glad I could bring a smile to your face, my friend.  At the risk of ruining my reputation, I must admit that I LIKE writing this sappy stuff -- LOL.    

Thanks again, all ...

--Kess




[This message has been edited by Skyfyre (edited 02-05-2000).]

Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
11 posted 2000-02-05 01:24 AM


Beautiful!
I love this/these! The choice of imagery is magnificent, yet I would like to ask why you chose the color green? Was it intentional to show "envy" or was it for a different reason?

-And-

"If aught is truth in reaping what you sow,
Then I should find my soul an endless field"

Perhaps I am wierd, (OK, not perhaps,) but I read this as you reaping your own soul???

-And-

"So waxed my heart in wake of treason's toil,
For I had labeled it forbidden place."

Powerful statement, which I empathize with completely!!! Maggy-nificent!!!

Don't misunderstand, this is magnificent... just that so many phrases jumped out at me, which is indeed, a good thing!!!

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

12 posted 2001-02-15 12:45 PM


I love this...have been off in search of nature poems...and found a treasure....click*
into my library!

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