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Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap

0 posted 2000-01-26 07:30 PM


** author's note:  One of my favorite of Shakespeare's sonnets is "My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun ..."  So thank you, Will, for "lending" me your line!   **

The Sun will rise upon the morn
To kiss the sleeping skies,
Infusing them with lesser blue
Than dances in your eyes;

And when she summons twilight's rose
With dusky fingertips,
Her meager pallette cannot match
The blush upon your lips;

For even in the highest noon
The Sun cannot imbue
Such rare and radiant brilliance as
The slightest smile from you;

Nor can she summon greater heat
With all her brightest blaze,
Than that which swells within my heart
Beneath your loving gaze;

For though you're fashioned of the stuff
From which the stars are spun,
If truth be told, my Valentine,
You're nothing like the sun.



 Full fathom five thy father lies,
Of his bones are coral made,
Those are pearls that were his eyes;
Nothing of him that doth fade
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange...


--William Shakespeare, from The Tempest


© Copyright 2000 Linda Anderson - All Rights Reserved
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

1 posted 2000-01-26 07:36 PM


Well. I think this is very well written Kess - hardly rates as a 'miserable failed attempt'!

Great job! Said with finality from moi...

K

 'Writing sharpens life;
life enriches writing'
Sylvia Plath

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

2 posted 2000-01-26 07:38 PM


Oh - forgot to mention that that is one of my favourite sonnets also - (my absolute favourite is 29 - I have many actually!!)

I knew before I clicked on your GREAT (no disputing!) poem just what it would be about.

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

3 posted 2000-01-26 07:52 PM


ummm, Kess? What's wrong with this? I think it is beautiful! Simply beautiful!  

Denise

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
4 posted 2000-01-26 08:21 PM


Wonderful! I like this very much, Kess! I think the challenge truly well met!!  

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
5 posted 2000-01-26 10:14 PM


Right... Even her miserable failures are highly successful...
Tara Simms
Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 1244
Honea Path, SC USA
6 posted 2000-01-26 10:16 PM


Absolutely lovely. Oh to be loved like this.  Great job, Kess.
poetry_kills
Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549
new orleans
7 posted 2000-01-26 10:20 PM


beautiful... brilliant... i love it   two thumbs and a corn dog up!

sincerely,
jerome the boy with no corndog

 A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!
~Coleridge

Master
Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867
Boston, MA
8 posted 2000-01-26 10:27 PM


Dear Shakespeare, sir, I thought you always wise,
And yet tonight, your talent reached its peak.
Just as the sun has no more room to rise,
I, too, am lacking any breath to speak.

And find my mind repeating just one verse,
And I shall do so ▒til the sun grows cold
For in your magic words I▓m left submersed
And by your wicked tongue, I stand appalled

One, single verse still wanders in my head
And from its presence, I could never run.
As if it is the only verse I▓ve ever read!
"My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun ..."

And if this verse can thus inspire Kess,
Let me appraise it high above the rest!

[This message has been edited by Master (edited 01-26-2000).]

Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263

9 posted 2000-01-26 10:35 PM


Skye...I, too, enjoy the Bard's works, and you've employed his line beautifully with this magnificent and tender poem.

Claire

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
10 posted 2000-01-26 10:38 PM


Kess, This is beautiful, as usual. You have a rare talent
Liz

Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
11 posted 2000-01-27 12:55 PM


A failed attempt?!?!?!?

I wish some of my failed attempts were this good!  Don't sell yourself short Kess. . . this is wonderful. . .

"If truth be told my Valentine, you're nothing like the sun. . ."  I love that line. . .

---------------------------------------------

 That which gives light must endure burning
--Victor Frankl


White Wolf
Member
since 1999-09-18
Posts 371
Somewhere in the vast wasteland
12 posted 2000-01-27 03:15 PM


If my heart melted on a failed attempt, don't let me read a good one.  My heart may just evaporate completely.  Great poem.  I love it.

 "Life's greatest mystery isn't the meaning of life. To love and be loved is the meaning of life. Now how to attain those is the greatest mystery of all."

LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion
13 posted 2000-01-27 03:21 PM


Kess

What a superb poem.  I'll bet you put it down so we would raise it up.  Didn't you, you shameless vixen!

Master - Your poem also deserves terrific merit - nicely said.

Terrina Kethryveris
Member
since 1999-12-06
Posts 53
USA
14 posted 2000-01-27 04:39 PM


And I find myself wondering why you send me these URL's... But I bet it is because you know I will tell you EXACTLY what I think.  

So here goes: Woman I swear I am going to come over there and beat you if you don't stop putting down you're work. There is nothing at all worng with this, I think it is beautiful.   So There!  

Terri

 Truth be known, fantasy is much more appealing than reality.

Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion
15 posted 2000-01-27 04:57 PM


Simply elegant and lovely,not a failed attempt in the least, Syfyre!

Love that artwork, too!

Corinne

Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
16 posted 2000-01-28 05:48 AM


And your work, m'friend, shines brighter than the sun!
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
17 posted 2000-01-28 12:49 PM


OMG...if this is your failed attempt...we are all in a world of trouble. Wonderfully written and beautifully romantic
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
18 posted 2000-01-28 01:23 PM


Oh so lovely are your words, that wonderous fair does not justice do this "failed attempt".  You are very talented!
devina
Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539
Cali
19 posted 2000-01-28 02:11 PM


This as wondeful...it had romance, GREAT comparison, and was lovely all around Kess...don't make me come over there and smack some sense into you!!!!LOL!!!Give credit where it is due my friend...this is ART!

 Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...

HelmutB
Senior Member
since 2000-01-06
Posts 964
Canada
20 posted 2000-01-28 07:05 PM


It sure is art, devina you have said it so rightly. A very prescious piece of poetry.
I love it. Don't set your candle under the table when it has so much light.

 The ability to describe life with words is similar to painting a picture; both can be powerful tools.


RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023
United Kingdom
21 posted 2000-01-29 07:03 PM


Nothing miserable about this...*g*

HUGS

 Memories give you the power to collect roses in the winter...

Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
22 posted 2000-01-29 07:08 PM


LOL Kess ! Even your "miserably failed attempt" is better than my best !  
Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850
In the space between moments
23 posted 2000-01-29 11:25 PM


Not miserable in the least!  On the contrary, this is stunning!  So beautiful...I love it.  

 *Krista Knutson*

~*Like a lion, without fear of the howling pack,
Like a gust of wind, ne'er trapped in a snare,
Like a lotus blossom, ne'er sprinkled by water,
Let me, like a unicorn, in solitude roam.*~ Hymn Of Buddha


Little_Spyro
Senior Member
since 2000-01-09
Posts 659
San Diego, CA, USA
24 posted 2000-01-30 12:23 PM


I have to agree with a lot of other people here--if this is a "failiure", then what's something "good"?

I'd start using colorful metaphors here if I didn't have the self-restraint necessary not to...lol       You're too good!

Maybe someday I'll be like you and all the other crême-de-la-crême poets here!
                                                                       ^     ^  ^   ^   (did I use this right?)

Extremely well written!

Little Spyro T. Dragon




[This message has been edited by Little_Spyro (edited 01-30-2000).]

Parker
Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129
ON
25 posted 2000-01-31 12:34 PM


Kess, this is miserably failed attempt at failure, you must try harder if you want to fail. I don't think Will is going to be impressed either, doing so well with one of his line. Your never going to make it in the failure game if you keep this up. So please keep it up. I really love your work.

Parker.


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