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elessar
New Member

since 2000-01-24

Posts 2

0 posted 2000-01-24 11:17 AM

i see you everyday
but close my mouth to hide what i want to say
to say i love you with all my heart
and i never want us to be apart
yet i know you love another
i see your glances in the direction of the other
your laughing smiles
and flirtatious styles
these things were meant for me
if only...

if only you knew the way i feel
maybe i could open my heart to reveal
the feelings i have for you
the things i see which i love about you
your beautiful hair your beautiful eyes
that lock my gaze, that mesmerise
distract me from my train of thought
but i look away for fear of being caught
at stealing a look at pure beauty
if only...

first poem....pls i welcome all advice on improvements on style and rhyming structure

[This message has been edited by elessar (edited 01-24-2000).]

spiked
Senior Member

since 2000-01-13

Posts 873
Hammond, La USA

1 posted 2000-01-24 11:26 AM

Wouldn't change a thing you've captured the true essence of what you feel.
I love it
Richard

[This message has been edited by spiked (edited 01-24-2000).]

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

2 posted 2000-01-24 11:30 AM

Welcome to Passions, Elessar! This is a beautiful poem and I also would not change a thing! Check your email for a special welcome!

Denise

fc
Member

since 2000-01-18

Posts 130

3 posted 2000-01-24 11:56 AM

will ditto the above 2 posts and say this is perfect

welcome

Ted Reynolds
Member

since 1999-12-15

Posts 331

4 posted 2000-01-24 02:16 PM

Welcome aboard, Elessar. Good to have you here.

Paul Hoekman
Member

since 1999-12-28

Posts 382
Harwinton Ct. U>S>A>

5 posted 2000-01-24 02:24 PM

Great Job!
Who ever this is your talking
about they better look your way
there is a very special heart
if they just turn their head.
One thing you can't hide here is your heart.
This guy just makes me laugh!

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

6 posted 2000-01-24 02:51 PM

I love the poem... and have nurtured more than a few dreams with those same two words. *S* Well done... and welcome!

Mark R.
Member

since 1999-06-25

Posts 113
San Francisco, CA.

7 posted 2000-01-24 02:59 PM

Great job, wonderful poem. Welcome to the family, I will expect more of your creativity on the screen.....

Echo Rhayne
Senior Member

since 1999-09-17

Posts 1495
Canyon Country, CA

8 posted 2000-01-24 04:35 PM

Well, welcome to the family and I hope to read more beautiful poems such as this one soon!

Just be glad I'm not your child! *evil grin*

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