Waiting in the Rain (sorry if it's kinda long...but it's from my heart)

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One Who Understands
Member

since 2000-01-20

Posts 251
Cedar Rapids, Iowa

0 posted 2000-01-24 01:28 AM

Waiting in the Rain

     There will be a night when I sit down and create a poem of joy.  Sooner or later I will be overwhelmed with a sense of happiness and completion.  Who am I to predict the day or force the day to come?  All I know, is that day will eventually become reality.  And I will cry.  Thinking about all the lonely nights, I will reminisce on the times I spent alone wondering when the day would come.  And tonight I sit here in the same state of mind wondering how long I will wonder, how long I will hope, and how long it will take for me to be completely happy.  Even thought I have accomplished wonderful actions in my life, I am not full.  I’m not for sure what the missing part of my life is.  Maybe it’s love, friends, spontaneousness, or family.  I don’t think I will know for sure until that darkness of me is filled with light.  But I don’t believe that I will go through life never understanding what it is that makes me complete.
If you have ever let yourself think for a very long time, you will discover that there is a whole lot more to life than your few problems.  And in the great scheme of things, your problems are significantly less than what you perceive them to be.  What may seem to be devastating in your life, may be a mere fact of life in the big picture, and may not be so terrible after all.
I guess where I’m confused is where to draw the line between what I  want and what I truly desire.  How does one know what is a real desire and what is just a temporary obsession?  I guess that when I look back on life I will understand the difference between the desires for my conscious mind, and the needs for my soul.  My question is “Why must I desire that of another person’s possessions?”  If I were never exposed to specific situations, would I not, at a later time, desire that same thing?  I pray that I can see through my human instincts of desires, and clearly understand what I must accomplish with my soul.  I think that if I can better understand what I can do best with my talents and find a way to use them, wich at the same time pleases me, I will be a more fulfilled person.
I hope that in 34 years, I won’t be sitting down and asking myself the same questions.  I hope that in time I will be able to put together more pieces of my life and soul.  Maybe, just maybe, I will be able to understand it well enough to ease the difficulty of someone else that is going through this same struggle.  In the few years that I have been breathing on this Earth, I think that I have allowed myself to understand a great deal about life and my spirit.  I am thankful for the influences in my life that have allowed me to think this way.  And I hope that if I have a family of my own, I will be able to have the same influence with my children.  I want to be able to look into their eyes and see that they are focused.  I want them to be excepting and understanding.  I want my children to have respect for everything around them and have dignity in themselves.  I want them to be able to handle difficult situations without those situations distorting their thoughts and beliefs.  I want my children to have appreciation for life.  To enjoy everyday, and be able to look back on their past with a smile on their faces.  And I hope they will be able to share all this with other people and with children of their own.
I have a long road ahead of me.  Everyone does.  But most of all, right now, all I want is to be able to share thoughts and experiences of laughter, memories, and good times with someone who appreciates them as well as I do.  Someone who truly appreciates me.  What I want most is to be able to have such an appreciation for an individual, I will look them in the eyes and cry out of the peace I feel when I am with them.  Someone that can magically take the pressures out of my life and turn them into chuckles of laughter and smiles.

But until that day comes, I can only dream.  I guess I’ll just wait… in the rain.

devina
Member Elite

since 1999-10-28

Posts 3539
Cali

1 posted 2000-01-24 01:44 AM

You have some nice thoughts here, if you're worried about it being so long...post in the prose forum!!! And anything from the heart is much appreciated!!

Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...

Anne
Member

since 1999-12-31

Posts 78

2 posted 2000-01-24 02:40 AM

Dear "One"-
Such sorrow and such emptiness--I truly ache for you, my friend! This may or may not be related, but just this morning I heard a woman give a speech about heroes. Some people have been surveying who young people consider their heroes over time, and in the 90's, about 39% said their parents as #1, 15% said Jesus Christ or some religious figure, and the last considerable category being friends/relatives/friends (the point being that most kids today look up to people they have a close personal relationship with, whether physical or spiritual). On the other hand, in the 70's and 80's, the majority of kids listed "no one" as a hero; God was the next common response in a far distant second. So sad, isn't it? On the

side, things are improving, but still your words echo those of so many people I know, and even if you were the last one to feel that way, I would still ache with and for you. Internet postings are a poor substitute for real words at times, and writer though I try to be, I still don't know which words to give you. But to someone who obviously must have a heart big enough share and understand the hopes and tragedies of others, I can't help myself in hoping that you'll read this and know, wherever you are, I'm thinking myself beside you; maybe not even saying anything out loud, but sitting by you, shoulder to shoulder, and wishing with all my heart that there was something I could do. I know it's not very much, but it's sincere.
Keep those dreams alive, my friend (if you'll pardon the bold intrusiveness of such an adddress by a well-wishing friend from afar!) and keep up such admirable honesty with yourself.

"And you shall know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free."

PhaerieChild
Senior Member

since 1999-08-30

Posts 1787
Aloha, Oregon

3 posted 2000-01-24 03:45 AM

What a tremendously honest assessment of self!!! I was stunned by the amount of work that went into this and the giving rise to some deep questions searching for deeper answers. All I can say is that while you are waiting in the rain and contemplating all this somewhere, someone else is doing the same thing. With a little blessing, prayer, and luck the 'twain shall meet. I feel you are going to be a wonderful influence on your children and your wife will indeed be a woman blessed all the way to the core. Keep dreaming friend, and I will pray for your dreams to come true.

Poetry~ Words falling on paper, painting a dream.

Shawna R. Holder
Boise, Idaho

whiskey

Senior Member

since 1999-12-28

Posts 1278
Australia

4 posted 2000-01-24 08:47 AM

This is great a honest self assesment, wonderful

thanks for sharing

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