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Goodbye Mother
| Open Poetry #5 |
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Goodbye Mother |
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Beri Member
since 1999-11-25
Posts 149 |
Mother, you left when I was only four; < !signature-->Drugs and alcohol meant so much more. Instead of your innocent children of ages four and eleven, You turned to men, whether of names Frankie, Micheal, or Kevin. To you, nothing but yourself even mattered -- Your brain cells long since scattered. Everytime I thought of you, I'd be left pondering without a clue. As a child, I was so confused; By you my beliefs were so abused. I thought you left because of me, I thought love for me could never be, I thought myself a horrible child, I thought that's why you were so wild. I often succumb to the pain you cause Because to you, there are no family laws. You don't know you have to care, You don't know you have to be there. You left my brother and I with our dad -- That's another story, oh so sad. He took us in and gave us almost everything; We seemed to live a life fit for a king. He showered us with material things galore, But I was lacking so much more. I wanted to feel that he loved me, But once again that just could not be. Because my brother is so much stronger than I He has with Dad a much stronger tie. He did not need to be shown affection To know that Dad's lack of emotion was not rejection. But for me it just was not the same -- I could not play my father's game. He gave me a stepmother who took care of me the best way she knew how, But she hurt me to the point that I'm still pained now. I wish Daddy could have shown me he cared -- If he had I never would have even dared To do half the things I did to get his attention And I never would have caused so much tension. Maybe I wouldn't have had to turn to lying and stealing To get him to show me how he was feeling. I hurt him in any way I could, But, of course, that never did much good. I've been fighting for his love for oh so long; I've always wanted to feel that with him I belong. Mother, it all started with you And moved on to Daddy too. Now you are gone from my life and to me that is fine, But I still want Daddy to be mine. Maybe one day, he will see That in his life he really does need me, But until that time does come around To my own love for myself and others I will be bound. So Mother, I say goodbye to your pain And look forward to the love of the future that I can gain. If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, its meant to be... [This message has been edited by Beri (edited 12-26-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Beri - All Rights Reserved | |||
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
I'm not sure whether to make your pain worse by saying that was no mother or simply acknowledge your pain...guess I did both...not meant to hurt but children are so very special...I wish you all the love in the world and this it is given to you willingly and not something you have to fight for - ever again... HUGS Don't ask me where I'm going, just listen when I'm gone and far away you'll hear me singing softly to the dawn. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Excellent poem, Beri, about a very sad subject. You have my sympathy. Denise |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Beri, Alcoholism is a sickness that hurts everyone involved. You feelings of guilt and blame were normal for a child, but hopefully you've left them behind. Rejection of any kind is the worst pain in the world. So what is your recourse? It is life, that keeps going on no matter what. And believe it or not, you are not alone . There is a heavenly Father walking along side you. And as you said, there is that hope of finding one who will love you, and that is probably what will happen. I'll bet you any money! Liz ' |
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Beri Member
since 1999-11-25
Posts 149 |
Rainbow -- I know she was in essence, no mother to me, so you did not make my pain any worse. Thanks for the well wishes I needed that! Denise -- Thank you for the sympathy you have shown, its been a long road and yes a very sad one. Thanks for the concern. Liz -- it has taken me oh so long to finally understand myself in all of this. I finally know that I only was taking the blame and not really at fault. I do feel as though I am being guided by my heavenly father now and for that I am grateful. Thank you for the kind words! If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, its meant to be... |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Oh how sad  |
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sandgrain Member Elite
since 1999-09-21
Posts 3662Sycamore, IL, USA |
It's wonderful how you write about this unfortunate, deep pain you feel. It's one of the greatest things you can do for yourself...shared feelings are healings. |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
Beri, I am sorry to hear about your mother, and I wish you thee best of luck with your dad! Have you showed him this poem? |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
Beri- just wanted to send my love along with everyone else. When I was a child, my father was the same way, and it took me years to finally realize that I was not to blame. I'm glad you're such a strong person that you can admit the wrong things your mother has done, just don't be so quick to hate, it'll eat you up inside my friend. much love-D |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Children are always so quick to assume guilt and blame. That in itself is tragic. Best of luck to you. |
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Echo Rhayne Senior Member
since 1999-09-17
Posts 1495Canyon Country, CA |
Beri, I send you many *hugs* I simply jsut don't know what to say! ~*~ Hell is not a place of fire and a devil with a tail and horns. But a place of torment because the light of God is gone. To escape this, accept the blood of Jesus Christ! ~*~ |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
I think is better answered to by a hug here and an e-mail shortly... so ~hug~. K |
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Pepper Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079Southern Florida |
Beri, my heart goes out to you.... I too am left speechless.. Big Hugs sent your way.... |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Beri, your poem is so sad..writing is a cartharis to your pain, so don't hesitate to write more about your feelings. As a note: I saw a story on 20/20 a couple of weeks ago about a girl who's parents were drug/alcohol addicts. The kids lived in horrible conditions..dog feces on the floor, eating out of garbage cans..no food in the house as the money all went to the parents habits..the mother died and the 2 girls were put in with an Aunt..one girl stayed, but the other took off..lived in the street..she vowed that she would not end up like her mother and began taking high school classes. One day, her teacher took the class on a field trip to Harvard. She decided SHE would go there....she wrote an essay for a contest sponsored by the New York Times and got a full scholarship to Harvard. She's there now! Sometimes we just have to learn from our experiences and go one...take it one day at a time. I would give a copy of this poem to your dad and stepmom. You've done something very hard...put your heart and pain into words..now let them read and understand. It may help all of you. Good luck! Let us know what transpires!  |
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Beri Member
since 1999-11-25
Posts 149 |
Thanks to all of you! Your heartfelt responses are much appreciated! The hugs are too of course...!  I will keep you guys updated though, dont ya worry! If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, its meant to be... |
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Beri Member
since 1999-11-25
Posts 149 |
Well you guys, this was written directly out of things that are going on around me right now. I dont know about ever showing this to my mother, or to my dad and stepmom either...but maybe one day. Currently my dad isnt speaking to me, and neither is my stepmom...I should probably let me brother read this though. They all know how I am feeling and what I am going through, but they just do not believe it. Maybe one day they will though. Thank you guys for your concern...I was going to write more earlier but i didnt have the time to, thats why this is coming now...anyways, thank you... If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, its meant to be... |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
Enjoyed ARCTIC WIND |
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