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Open Poetry #5
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Tears Rolling Down Her Cheek (Challenge from Hoot)
| Open Poetry #5 |
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Tears Rolling Down Her Cheek (Challenge from Hoot) |
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Echo Rhayne Senior Member
since 1999-09-17
Posts 1495Canyon Country, CA 
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Tonight she lay still Engulfed in ebony She felt the full weight of the blackness of the night pressing mercilessly upon her, suffocating her, In the moonlight, shadows dancing within her mind, to a melody that was no longer familiar to her inviting her to a place where he was A place where they could engage, embrace, envelope one another But she could not accept their offer for she could not move She was immobilized Paralyzed by venom of abandonment She lay motionless As a permanent fixture in a condemned building All around her was at rest... like a dead calm All around her was at rest... except her soul and the tears rolling down her cheek... ~*~ ^i^ ~*~ Love is such a lonely art, and death is but a taste. Minds are merely instruments that often go to waste! ~*~ ^i^ ~*~ [This message has been edited by Echo Rhayne (edited 01-23-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Echo Rhayne - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Oh Echo...this is both hauntingly sad  and beautiful at the same time. Challange well met...I am surprised at the variety of posts that I'm getting from this challange. I thought I'd get a ton of romantic love poems...and aside from mine which was borderline, I haven't got a single one.Nice free verse here  |
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JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
Wow! Beautiful words. JOY |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
This is wonderful, Melanie! Sad yet beautiful! Denise |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Echo this was soooooo sad! You do have a way with your words! |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Echo, this was charged with longing ... I do so love a good bit of free verse ... So I hope you won't mind too much when I tell you that there was ONE word that I thought detracted from the flawless flow of the rest. "Accessible" (line 8) is a very sterile, clinical word, which IMHO does not taste very well intermixed with the delicious sweetness of the rest of this piece. You could find another word to replace it if you liked, but I think it would be lovely is you just left it as: inviting her to a place where he was, A place where they could engage ... Just my suggestion, hun. Enjoyed this immensely. --Kess  Full fathom five thy father lies, Of his bones are coral made, Those are pearls that were his eyes; Nothing of him that doth fade But doth suffer a sea-change Into something rich and strange... --William Shakespeare, from The Tempest |
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Mike Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462 |
Very nicely done Echo. You display a real talent with free verse. I envy you on that. |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Echo, you did so well....again ! Haunting, beautiful, love it ! |
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Echo Rhayne Senior Member
since 1999-09-17
Posts 1495Canyon Country, CA |
WoW, *blushing* Thank you all for your wonderful comments....hmmmm I might just have to start writing more free verse hehe....ok maybe not but still. Kess, I will heed your advice and change the line, thanks for the advice. Like I said, I dont write much free verse. Thanks again everyone, I appreciate all the kind replies! ~*~ ^i^ ~*~ Love is such a lonely art, and death is but a taste. Minds are merely instruments that often go to waste! ~*~ ^i^ ~*~ |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
This was absolutely wonderful free verse. |
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Echo Rhayne Senior Member
since 1999-09-17
Posts 1495Canyon Country, CA |
HEY, ok Im flipping out now....All of a sudden my picture shows up....Who said I wanted a picture with my poems??? Oh well.....it's almost exactly a year old picture anyway hehehehe Hmmmmmm but now after I sent this it desapeared, am I just tripping out or can y'all see it too? Darn aliens are back grrrrrr hehe (long story) This is just too weird!! Martie, thanks for your comment!!< !signature--> Just be glad I'm not your child! *evil grin* [This message has been edited by Echo Rhayne (edited 01-23-2000).] |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Echo- What a 'hoot' you are ! The poem is Circa Echo. Pensively perfect. Great free-verse ... it suits you well. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ [email protected] |
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Echo Rhayne Senior Member
since 1999-09-17
Posts 1495Canyon Country, CA |
My deepest thank you's Marge! Just be glad I'm not your child! *evil grin* |
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One Who Understands Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 251Cedar Rapids, Iowa |
Very, very, very touching |
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