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Open Poetry #5
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Response to Hoot's challange...no title (suggestions accepted)
| Open Poetry #5 |
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Response to Hoot's challange...no title (suggestions accepted) |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
This is a totally different twist to Ruth's phrase. I hope you enjoy even though it is very dark. In the moonlight, shadows dancing, As her form moves into view. Upon this cliff, she stands enchanted, With the view of rocks below. As the sea boils up in anger, Tossing waves upon the shore. A single tear drops falls in sorrow, To the depth of horrors throws. Her tears are done and she's left empty, Whilest wind whips through her hair. A single rose cluched in her fingers, Salted by the halted stream. Fingers grip the very petals, That once were the sign of love. Falling softly now are rested, On the rocks which were his doom. Ever now she carries onward, Hollowed from that fateful eve. Silent now the screams of terror, Dancing on that moon lit grave. [This message has been edited by Marilyn (edited 01-21-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Marilyn - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
First a title suggestion...Moonlit Dance Next... WOW!!!! this is a remarkable piece of work Marilyn. The rhythm is great and the story line carries the reader right to the (bitter?) end. You have met and excelled the challange with this piece. Well done my friend  At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet. ~Plato |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Well worded turn about... I ditto Lady Hoot's comments and suggest "Fallen Love" as a darker title. Just my take |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Captivating tale, Marilyn. I could see the scene before my eyes! Very well done! Denise |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
I echo Ruth, this is remarkable indeed, held me right to the end! Well Done!! What comes from the heart goes to the heart. Samuel Coleridge |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
hmmm I have been thinking about this. How about Moonlight's Fall for a title? |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Marilyn ! This is excellent work ! WOW girl !  |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Moonlight's Fall is the name that does it for me! This is wonderful Maz, you never fail to meet a challenge. Bravo Sis Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely. ~Isis~ (Sovereign of the Spirit) |
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SnglDad Member
since 2000-01-08
Posts 115Seattle area |
Another very nice piece I think you have once again shared another for me to read over and over again. Once again Thanx For Sharing Joel |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Good poem, MArilyn. I would call it Moonlight Danse Macabre. |
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Willem Member
since 1999-11-18
Posts 139Inverness, FL, USA |
Edgar Allen Poe would have sat straight up in his grave, had he heard this poem recited by his tomb. In addition to a smooth meter and well-applied alliteration it also impacts by the tragic gothic tale it spins. There are some typos, which you will no doubt find yourself upon rereading. Also, the second "view" in the first couplet could be changed to "sight" to avoid repetition. I commend you for this fine piece of poetry! Willem "Shoot from the heart, not from the lip." |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
I like this poem, Marilyn... You've captured the scenario very nicely... Good one.. |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Ruth...thankyou for your enthusiastic repsonse. I enjoyed writing this piece very much! Andrew...Thankyou for your suggestion and yes a draker title is appropriate for this piece. Denise...thanks! Dark Angel...It seems the dark side likes me much..lol. I can tell you though I don't care for it much at all.  Munda..Thanks..your kudos always mean much to me. Isis....Me thinks it is time to challange you again my sister! I will have to think of something and send it to you. Are you up for a challange? Joel...Your most welcome. I am flattered that you would like to read my work over and over. (awestruck) Mike..thanks for the suggestion, I will take it into concideration. Willem...Thankyou so much for your wonderful compliment. I was in no way trying to emulate Poe in this piece. I think if I attempted to do so I would have failed miserably...lol. Nan...your compliments mean more then you could know. I have come a long way in a short time because I had a great teacher!  |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Marilyn this is fabulous. It is an "Enchanted Love Enduring". Just a suggestion. James |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
This was excellent Marilyn--you set a wonderful scene and the words flowed. |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
I saw her standing there......so sad,so moving. It's beautiful-not dark. SEA |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Yep I am up for another challenge sis, I'm doing one for Balladeer at present then I'm all yours!! Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely. ~Isis~ (Sovereign of the Spirit) |
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Grandma Jo Member
since 2000-01-02
Posts 51 |
great stuff Marilyn. "Moonlit Grave" may be a good one. |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
James...Thanks for the suggestion I will take it into consideration. Martie...Thankyou, I am glad it moved you. Sea...To have transported you into this is a great compliment. Thankyou. Isis....I will think about it and let you know sister. Jo....Thanks for the title suggestion I will consider it. Good to see you back. Does this mean the computer troubles are over? |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Marilyn- The heart of beauty beats resoundly in this piece. Very, very well-met challenge. ~Marge~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Mike Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462 |
Truly enjoyed. Well done. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Awesome m'friend. Talented, talented, talented! |
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Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
I dont know what i could say that hasnt been said already, but the images that entered my mind were beautiful and haunting all at the same time, this is remarkable marylin, i comend you =) |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
Dark and sorrowful, you've risen to the challenge in superb fashion! Altogether lovely. Claire (I never seem to see these challenges, just the replies..)  |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Marg..Thankyou very much. I am both humbled and flying high from all of this praise. I am not sure I deserve this. Mike...Very glad that you enjoyed it! Christopher.....Thankyou my friend. I still pale in comparision to you. Kevin....I am at a loss for words. (and I am a poet!..lol) Meadowmuse....Thankyou very much. There is a challange forum here at Passions. That is where you will generally find all of the challanges posted on this board (unless they are made privately) |
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First__Knight Senior Member
since 1999-11-08
Posts 678 |
Oh remind me not to walk to close to the shore.....See this was so well done Marilyn. I think you need to come here more often I don't buy temporary insanity as they murder defense. Because people kill people. That's and animal instinct. I think breaking into someone's home and ironing all their clothes is temporary insanity. |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Marilyn what can I say that hasn't been said already? It was a great piece of work! You definitely painted a very visual picture! |
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