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Terri Madrid
New Member

since 2000-01-15

Posts 8

0 posted 2000-01-15 02:41 AM

MY BELOVED

You, my Beloved, intoxicate me with your sweet wines of ecstacy.

Come feast with me upon the cuisine of intense passion.

Let us wonder upon the shores of dazzeling delight

and witness the developing billows of boundless desire .

Let us endure with harmonious enchantment
and feel within our hearts the sensation of LOVE.

amber
Member

since 1999-06-15

Posts 240
los banos, ca,

1 posted 2000-01-15 04:14 AM

Hello and welcome, i see you dont have many posts here. I hope that you grow to know these poeple as well as i do, it reall yhas proved to be a helpful means of support when you need it. I loved your poem, brought out so many emotions that i often write about myself. Short and beautiful!

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

2 posted 2000-01-15 04:15 AM

Hi, Terri. I liked your poem, but it seems a little too ... no, not syrupy ... maybe overblown? I understand as well as anybody how overblown you can feel when you're in the middle of heated romance and love, but I also say that unneutered feelings, without strong images anchoring them down, can make a poem careen out of control. I feel like you're just hanging on to these words here; that they're sorta throwing you around and you're just hanging on. Drop some of the adjectives, maybe?

Mike

Echo Rhayne
Senior Member

since 1999-09-17

Posts 1495
Canyon Country, CA

3 posted 2000-01-16 02:56 PM

Terri, I think you desribed what you wanted to very well here!

~*~ ^i^ ~*~ Love is such a lonely art, and death is but a taste. Minds are merely instruments that often go to waste! ~*~ ^i^ ~*~

Rus Bowden
Member

since 2000-01-13

Posts 139

4 posted 2000-01-16 07:45 PM

Hi Terri,

Lovely meter in this poem that serves its passionate invitation well.

Rus

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

5 posted 2000-01-16 07:48 PM

Well, I was swept away when reading this! Well done, Terri!

Denise

And slight is the sting of his trouble
Whose winnings are less than his worth;
For he who is honest is noble,
Whatever his fortunes or birth.~~~Alice Cary, ~Nobility~

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