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hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

0 posted 1999-10-19 10:55 AM

"Rules for Writerers"

Part I

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

7. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

10. No sentence fragments.

11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.

12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

14. One should NEVER generalize.

15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

16. Don't use no double negatives.

17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

"Rules for Writerers"

Part II

19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

20. The passive voice is to be ignored.

21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.

22. Never use a big word when substituting a diminutive one would suffice.

23. Kill all exclamation points!!!!!!

24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

25. Understatement is always theabsolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.

26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.

27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

32. Who needs rhetorical questions?

33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

34. Avoid "buzz-words"; such integrated transitional scenarios complicate simplistic matters.
And finally...
35. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

------------------
This is courage...to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends. ~Eurpides

Systematic Decay
Senior Member

since 1999-09-15

Posts 1301
That place with padded walls and funny people in white.........

1 posted 1999-10-19 10:32 PM

LMAO Hoot!

------------------
"Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage."
-Billy Corgan-

Ron

Administrator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-05-19

Posts 8669
Michigan, US

2 posted 1999-10-19 10:41 PM

Great Post!

But I think #26 could stand some elaboration:

quote:
It's is no, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean
it is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't
her's. It isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours
and theirs.

- Oxford University Press, Edpress News

merlynh
Member

since 1999-09-26

Posts 411
deer park, wa

3 posted 1999-10-22 09:00 PM

Just between you and the lamb post this is posted on. If I were to even consider this when I wanted to put something together. It doesn't happen. Sure it's alright to go back and clean things up after the freewriting is done. But keeping all this in mind before the start. It'll kill it every time. That's how it is with me.

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

4 posted 1999-10-23 10:06 AM

merlynh...it was meant simply in humor. Something I ran across the other day and hoped would bring a smile to a few writers faces

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

5 posted 1999-10-29 10:11 AM

You can see I'm a few days behind in my reading...laughed myself silly!

Andrew Scott
Member Elite

since 1999-06-24

Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA

6 posted 1999-11-01 07:44 PM

Lady Hoot: Ya'll just told Toe he wasn't allowed to write anymore. Now what fun would that be?

We need somebody at the bottom so the rest of us don't look so bad.

Fun stuff ya got's here... thanks for the laugh.

kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

7 posted 2005-07-12 02:25 AM

hey found this gem while random surfing

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

8 posted 2005-07-12 05:56 AM

Wow! Posted over 6 years ago?

Kaile's right ... this is a gem.

ROFL ... loved this Ruth!

kayjay
Member Elite

since 2002-06-24

Posts 2015
Oregon

9 posted 2005-07-12 08:46 AM

Whyizit? By the time I get to a great post, all the good words are taken.

If you take these rules from Ruth,
And you know she speaks the truth,
You will write much better forsooth
And your verse will have more couth.

Well done!! Ken

Through rubble and trouble and dark of night
The yawn of a dawn will hasten the light

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

10 posted 2005-07-12 08:46 AM

I don't think I ever read this before either, but love it!!!

Thanks for bringing it up

M

sandgrain
Member Elite

since 1999-09-21

Posts 3662
Sycamore, IL, USA

11 posted 2005-07-12 11:31 AM

This is great! Thanks for sharing it. I'll try to keep it in mind after posting my next offerings. LOL

Rae

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

12 posted 2005-07-12 02:23 PM

Ruthie you slay me! I think I am guilty on about all counts up there! Oh well it is the likes of me that make you guys all look so dang good!

Missing you for sure and that great humor of yours. (no ')

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

13 posted 2005-07-13 10:09 AM

Wow...1999, someone was digging deep

Trillium

Member Patricius

since 2001-03-09

Posts 12098
Idaho, USA

14 posted 2005-07-13 09:58 PM

This great!! I don't think I will count the ways I have broken the rules!

Betty Lou

Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

15 posted 2005-07-14 10:48 AM

What a clever writer. I'm keep[ing this. Joyce

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