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hush
Senior Member

since 2001-05-27

Posts 1653
Ohio, USA

0 posted 2004-12-12 11:41 PM

"People seem not to see that their opinion of others is also a confession of their character."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

This was posted by Janet Marie in that 'tomorrow' thread, and I thought it was a really interesting quote.

I tend to have pretty caustic opinions of people I don't like... I mean, there's something deep down inside of me that says things like "You used to be like that too," or "I can understand where they're coming from," or "they've been through a lot." But a sarcastic knee-jerk comment always arises in my mind when somebody does something asinine, or acts like a jerk. Like today at work (I work in a nursing home) this girl I was working next to let her residents' call lights stay on forever before she answered them- one was on for about 40 minutes before I finally broke down and answered it upon not finding this chick. Now, granted, the lady wanted her pillow fluffed, or wanted to be put on the bedpan for 'false alarms' all night- so it was an annoyance to answer the lights... but all I could think of was how lazy she was and did she think I was going to do all her work for her and blah blah blah... my instinctive reaction wasn't 'well, maybe she's having a bad day.."

I just wonder, does having a negative opinion of someone meant that you are a negative person? In my case, I think it just reflects my sarcastic nature- saying nasty rude things that I don't really mean but it's something I take more lightly than others do. Or maybe it's just a sign of immaturity? I don't really think I'm better than people, or that I don't have motes (or 2 by 4's) in my own eye... but sometimes it's fun to pretend?

I dunno, food for thought as I continue to not study for my final exam that's creeping up on me in about 8 hrs...

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

1 posted 2004-12-13 09:00 PM

I read this question soon after you posted, and I wanted to take my time to think.

(that does help)

I hope you managed to study a bit (and I have faith you did well, because, well, I have faith.)

And no, I don't think you're a negative person. I think you are an honest human being, and I appreciate that alot.

We all have voices in our heads, and sometimes those voices can say the most awful things, and yep, sometimes they are wickedly funny, too.

(I'm recalling something I wrote once about having murdered and maliciously tortured several people in one day, and those were just the people I loved.

er, in my MIND, of course)

I have a regretful temper, a sharp tongue, and to top it all off, I had worried that I had completely "burnt out" the "edit" function in my brain. I'm finding that is not actually the case tho--it's more like a muscle that needs toning.

You might wonder, if I value honesty (as I do) why would I worry about the edit function in anyone's brain?

It's just one of the niceties in life I guess. Sorta like when I go to a gynecologist, if the doc doesn't bother to keep those instruments under a warming light, then a future lack of empathy would not come as a surprise.

I also gave a lot of thought to regret. Things I Said vs. Things I Didn't.

It surprised me that it was a toss-up.

But after much thought, and too many words already, I guess I feel that there are gradations to the sin:

The desire to do harm (if not to each other than our selves) is a constant.

The variable is our mood, our well-being, the intensity of the particular affront, combined with a determination to do better today than yesterday.

It's up to us to balance the scales.

(I been studying algebra--

--and I got something entirely unexpected from that too.)

"People seem not to see that their opinion of others is also a confession of their character."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life, and love and observations?

Yep.

It's all done with mirrors.

~DreamChild~
Senior Member

since 2001-04-23

Posts 544
in your dreams

2 posted 2004-12-13 09:41 PM

you know, i can really relate. i feel the same about my fellow workers, even now, just getting home.

i'm quite sarcastic myself, but i consider it for the most part, sad humor. the sad part is i mean it, and the humorous part is i said it! lol! but it is honest, and unrepressed.

anyway, our opinions of others doesn't necessary reflect our whole selves, just a small portion of our personality.

i'm quite the narcissist according to an internet questionierre.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

3 posted 2004-12-13 11:05 PM

Human nature is a complex beast...
built on layers of circumstance and experience...what was learned the hard way, and whats been lost and gained as the child came into their own. My personal experience is that it all comes down to patterns, the old adage..."actions speak louder than words."

We all know someone that is so mean and nasty and shreds others to make themselves feel superior...You know the kind...they are intolerant, insulting and always having to be in control and claiming to be right/know it all...they come across selfish, arrogant and conceited. But usually they are the most insecure and miserable people inside. Peel back the layers and we'll find a child who was stripped of all self esteem and as an adult tries to take it back in this negative way. The same circumstance can create other personalities..rather than be mean, there's the ones who cant give enough of themselves away to others just to be loved.

Its all about "filling holes"

I try to look for reasons why people act the way they do. It can help when dealing with the fallout that comes from all our many reactions and behaviors.

Hush...you said something about "maybe its immaturity" ... theres lots of so called adults that cant use that for an excuse.

I think it comes down to attitude...or perhaps Karma....
give off negative all the time and thats whats prolly gonna come back on you.

I heard good ole Dr. Phil

use a an old saying of my grandfather the other day...

"she would rather complain about the dark than get up and turn on a light"

So I guess its all in how much light we let in??

Me? I'v been lost in the dark many a time... still, Im learning its never too late to work on our tan.

"I have learned silence from the talkative,
toleration from the intolerant,
and kindness from the unkind;
yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers."

Kahlil Gibran

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

4 posted 2004-12-14 03:25 AM

"i'm quite the narcissist according to an internet questionierre."

DC?

That is actually quite funny and charming all by itself.

thank you

*thunk* <--serenity's head hit the keyboard

gawd-I-love-this-place

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

5 posted 2004-12-15 09:24 PM

I had a hard time at work because I made too many assumptions about my co-workers motives and their feelings - this caused me much stress and grief -

I find that if I look at others and realize they are as I am, a human being, imperfect, who just wants to be loved and happy - that helps-

Also, to live a life of compassion brings a gift of freedom by letting go of the negative and trying to live a life of the positive -

so by loving others, even those who irritate the crap out of you - you are set free of the trappings of the negative - look at your enemy as a gift - allowing you the opportunity to learn patience and tolerance -

I'm far from perfect - way far to go - but it has certainly destressed my life to let go of the bad thoughts and refocus on the good -

Karma - Dharma - they do exist -

best to you - and much understanding from me -

Susan

btw - thanks for answering the light - my grandmother was in a nursing home, and yes, a lot of false alarms, but what of those times when it is not? And these elderly, they've given so much in their lives, your tenderness is a great gift in return to them -

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind.

Copperbell
Senior Member

since 2003-11-08

Posts 956

6 posted 2004-12-15 11:42 PM

One great piece of wisdom I "got" recently...assumptions. My sister called me on an assumption I made about someone and I realized that I do it all the time - frequently that's the basis of my opinion. When I started noticing how many assumptions I make, it changed how I view people.

But on the flip side, its easy to make excuses for people to be nice when in actuality what they are doing is just plain negative.

hush
Senior Member

since 2001-05-27

Posts 1653
Ohio, USA

7 posted 2004-12-20 12:23 PM

Karen- We'll see when the grades come in.

So, the point here isn't that I'm having some sort of a crisis about myself- I'm not really concerned, I'm just interested. I can accept that I'm a jerk without assuming it makes me a bad person...

I tried the whole loving your enemy thing. I found that it's just more entertaining to think of them, like, stepping in dog poop or something. Yesterday I worked a double shift, and come afternoons, I had to give my block up to the guy who's a regular... and, being bitter about having to get report from another aide and move on down the hall, I snickered when I saw four of his lights on at once... because I knew one man was stripping butt naked, one lady wanted to ask if it was okay for her to say her rosary and take a nap, one guy was going to very nastily ask for pain meds, and one lady was going to say "What are you talking about? I didn't push this button..." and I laughed even harder when the light came on for the lady who was going to complain about nobody caring whether she lives or dies (man, she was fun...)

And you know why I laughed? Part of it was purely being tired after 12 hours of work and still having 4 ahead of me... but part of it was because he sat up at the nurse's station, just loving the feel of his butt on the chaire, while one after another, these lights went on. And I sat there and watched as he finally got up to answer them, one after another. You know why I didn't care to help him? He's lazy... but instead of getting mad, and instead of loving him for his laziness, I laughed.

So I'm not sure how that reflects my personality either? I'm comfortable with my response- I still find it funny- but I have to wonder what it mens.

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

8 posted 2004-12-20 03:14 PM

I see your response as a healthy survival technique.

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

9 posted 2004-12-21 10:37 PM

Does not your heart bleed for the state of the elderly? They once were vital, passionate and active people who loved the breath of life, and now they are dependant upon others for company and care - many can not change their behavior due to the state of their minds and brain chemistry - Imagine what it will be like one day should we be in their place - sorrow and compassion stirs within me

Susan

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