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Hilarious....guess everyone could use a laugh! |
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
I received this email this morning, thought I'd pass along the humor! A TRUE FACT.... Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. EVER WONDER .... Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?! Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? |
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© Copyright 2003 Denise - All Rights Reserved | |||
Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
haahaa I'd laugh but....hahaha....I can't...I'm laughing too hard... did that make any sense at all? the Wind is invisible. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
That's great, Denise! Let me add a few... Words of Wisdom > 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. > 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings." > 3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." > 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. > 5. You should not confuse your career with your life. > 6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. > 7. Never lick a steak knife. > 8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip. > 9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. > 10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. > 11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. > 12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. > 13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) > 14. Your friends love you anyway.. > FINAL Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
You make perfect sense, Wind! 'Deer - So true, so true! |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
The sad thing is, there really are people who taste-test dog food for a living. One of my mother's professors in college used to do it. -Adam |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
Hilarious indeed Charisma |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
haha i loved this. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Facts of life!!! Oh, make me Thine forever |
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Anvrill Senior Member
since 2002-06-21
Posts 710in the interzone now |
Only in America isn't completely true... Because all those things apply to Canada as well! And you can't say "North America" instead, since I don't think they would apply to Mexico... Just a thought. remember the sound |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
only in america... will everyone think that they are the sole country responsible for pop culture. /jen/ 'Christianity is the complete negation of common sense and sound reason.' |
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skyshine
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058Beneath the northern stars |
I'm in charge, and I say question authority! (haha...that used to be my sig) These were great! Elizabeth It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got... |
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RSWells Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533 |
Thoroughly enjoyed these witticisms reminiscent of Will Rogers or Mark Russell. Thanks to you and Balladeer. |
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