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Sunkissed
Senior Member
since 2002-12-03
Posts 610


0 posted 2002-12-14 07:51 AM



...And those who may have read and simply didn't know how to reply, Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  You have helped me in the process of healing by offering your support through your warm comments.

I am struggling, and I expect I will be for quite some time but I am positive that it is nothing compared to my daughter who long awaited the birth of her first child.  

During the first week of November, my daughter began to experience cramping. She had been to the doctor a few days earlier and he told her that it was ligiments stretching as her uterus grew.  By that weekend, she began to complain of more cramping. I thought that rest would probably help as she insisted on helping me with housework.

That sunday, my daughter's water broke. She was only 20 weeks pregnant (or five months).  We rushed her to the hospital where the diagnosis was grim indeed. We thought then that we would have to say goodbye to the baby- not even knowing what sex it was.  But the baby miraculously remained. Everyone was surprised as they never expected that would happen it.

My daughter spent the next month in the hospital, giving her child the chance it needed to survive. It was very hard for her to have little or no privacy since that is one of the things that I'd taught my children to value.  She was very independent and has worked since age fourteen. She is twenty now.

Wednesday, I recieved a call from my mother that my daughter had gone into labor and this time the doctor was not going to stop it.  My mother, my eldest daughter and I rushed to her side.  I was totally unprepared for how quickly things went from there. I was given the pros and cons of the situation, then ushered off to suit up in surgical scrubs.

Thankfully, the surgery went well. The baby, a brand new tiny little girl weighing in at only one pound and eight ounces, seemed to have more than a fighting chance as well.  I heard her tiny cries which sounded like music to me. It was a pretty.

After the neonatal team worked on her, they allowed me to see her. She was barely over the length of a ruler. But so perfectly formed. Her eyes were open and she lay on her side. I was afraid to touch her because her skin at this point was extremely fragile. So I stood over her and talked to her. I couldn't believe how precious she was.

It never occurred to me that she would leave us. She had hung on for so long. I knew that Talia wanted to live. She fought to be here. I was looking forward to getting to know her. For the face she had was that of her mother's. I wondered about who she would be and what she would love to do.  

She died in the presence of her family in her mother's arms early friday morning. We stayed with her for most of the day, saying goodbye with my daughter. We took pictures of Talia, we all took turns holding her, we did everything we could do so as to have no regrets later on.

It was the most heartbreaking thing I'd ever experienced, to watch my child mourn the loss of her child. I felt and still do feel in many ways, helpless. I shall be visiting with her soon. I pray for the strength to be the support she needs and deserves.  

Thank you for allowing me to share part of my grief with you.  When my daughter comes home tomorrow or monday, I will make sure she gets to read your wonderful wishes.


With love,
Sunkissed.

© Copyright 2002 R. T. M. - All Rights Reserved
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
1 posted 2002-12-14 07:53 AM



Sunkissed
Senior Member
since 2002-12-03
Posts 610

2 posted 2002-12-14 08:25 AM


Thank you, Christopher.
Sunkissed.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

3 posted 2002-12-14 08:47 AM


There are no words.

I just wanted you to know that I was here with you..k?

Sunkissed
Senior Member
since 2002-12-03
Posts 610

4 posted 2002-12-14 09:01 AM


Thanks serenity, I appreciate that...


Sunkissed.

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
5 posted 2002-12-14 09:45 AM


Me too....
quietlydying
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz
6 posted 2002-12-15 01:35 AM


:: speechless ::



/jen/


'i don't care if it hurts, i want to have control.  i want a perfect body, i want a perfect soul.'  [radiohead]

[This message has been edited by quietlydying (12-15-2002 01:36 AM).]

garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
7 posted 2002-12-15 08:59 PM


me too, but I'm here, too    

Ethel

Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182
Netherlands
8 posted 2002-12-16 08:40 PM



And I...

Titia

Like scattered leaves...my words will flow

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
9 posted 2002-12-16 09:37 PM


I am one who didn't respond but only because I don't have the words. I cannot imagine what you and your daughter went through and no mere words I could mutter could do justice to such bravery and loss. Please know that my thoughts are with you all....
Salty
Senior Member
since 2002-11-23
Posts 669
Texas
10 posted 2002-12-17 01:40 AM


I just now read the poem after seeing this here. I am so sorry that you have had to experiece such a painful loss. I am sure you will somehow find the strenght needed to be there for your daughter, and we will be here for you if you need to talk.

Bless you and your family through this tragic time.

~Salty

In the Midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.
--Deepak Chop

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
11 posted 2002-12-17 02:29 PM


SunK...

I know what this is like.  At the time you posted your tribute to your granddaughter, I posted a poem in anticipation of another about to be born.  My timing was terrible, and yet...

as you said, you and the doctors did all that could be done.  I cannot help but think that Talia presented you and your daughter with such a gift, even if you are not yet aware of what it could be.  That you will be your daughter's support is assured in that you had the courage to put your words here, and gather around you friends you've not even met, yet.

Please know my prayers are with you, and yours, and with Talia, who is now watching over you, to give you the strength you need to give on to your daughter.

Love, K

Wind
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981

12 posted 2002-12-17 04:07 PM


Oh. Oh I'm so sorry, I had no idea. Thats so sad, I can't beleive it. I wish I could bring her back for you. But all I can do is mourn with you.

Never be normal!

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