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Free This Bird
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Free This Bird |
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Brigid WillowKeeper Member
since 2003-08-24
Posts 88OHIO IN USA |
A bird in captive is all I am to get up and fly free Is all I want to be. Oh and to break these chains The ones that bind me to sail, over the sunny plains and to fly high above the sea My only wish is escape I am caged and restrained but I long to be more to know no ceiling, and feel no floor. Teach me to spread my wings to break the mold to breach this hold to fly teach me to fly Embrace me as I learn never let me go you and I free to go with the flow of life. |
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Brigid WillowKeeper Member
since 2003-08-24
Posts 88OHIO IN USA |
Ok, this one, I am seriously thinking of entering in a poetry contest of some sort, so give me the best critiquing you got. |
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Brigid WillowKeeper Member
since 2003-08-24
Posts 88OHIO IN USA |
 Please? Anyone? |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
How about...instead of replying to your own poetry, you reply to some of the other poetry in here - and then maybe someone might feel inclined to critique you...fair play and all.   K |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
. [This message has been edited by Essorant (12-14-2003 03:52 PM).] |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
Some critics only work for critics. [This message has been edited by Essorant (12-14-2003 04:15 PM).] |
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Tim Senior Member
since 1999-06-08
Posts 1794 |
Is there a requirement that one must critique so many poems before you will be critiqued? Only critiquers, or those who feel they are qualified to critique should ask to be critiqued? Just curious. |
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Estel Junior Member
since 2003-12-10
Posts 22 |
A bird in captive is all I am to get up and fly free Is all I want to be. -- ok, you mean "captivity" instead of "captive." The structure of the first line is awkward, I have to say. It should rather be "I am a bird in captivity" imo. Other than that, this stanza is somewhat cliched. It could be saved however, if the rest of the poem took it somewhere where it has not been before. However, the rest of the poem does not do this. Rather, it continues along with cliches employed by many another poet. To help solve this problem, I suggest rewriting the latter part of the poem to become more exact. Your words are rather general about wanting to "break chains" and "fly away free" and somesuch. be specific, talk about something specific, or use precision in talking about your feelings. Let your poem fly, but show us, don't tell us. does that help? I hope it does. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Come on now Tim. With 1066 posts in 3 years, you know by now how things work  Pete |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
When a poet gives poetry, that is a giving enough; the poet should not need to give more than his or her art to earn a critique, especially when she is doing a much greater deed by making and giving of the main art itself to which the critic-craft is bound, and giving the critics the honour of being the ones the artist goes to for advice, saw to and listened to at all! At this point, having given art and trust, he/she owes no critique to critics for critique, for the art either should stand alone worth it or not. The Poet doesn't owe to be a critic; it is not always in his passions to be one even though that will be critical nevertheless in his art. As a poet wouldn't deny giving a critic poetry because he or she does not write poetry, the critic shouldn't deny the poet critique because he or she does not write critique. [This message has been edited by Essorant (12-15-2003 02:54 AM).] |
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Tim Senior Member
since 1999-06-08
Posts 1794 |
I happen to have a few more than a 1066 posts and have posted in Passions since before the start of the blue forums, so yes, I feel I have modicum of understanding how things work. I still think it was a legitimate question and based upon the response, it would appear to be critiqued in CA you should be an active critiquer yourself. I will at least take the response as that answer since that is how I interpret the same. [This message has been edited by Tim (12-15-2003 12:38 AM).] |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
From PIP's philosophy: quote: I think that speaks for itself, guys. Not a 'rule' - a courtesy. Oh, and one does necessarily need to 'critique' in order to be heard in this forum no? (Though it's always nice lol) K [This message has been edited by Severn (12-15-2003 03:59 AM).] |
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Tim Senior Member
since 1999-06-08
Posts 1794 |
I guess I am a bit dense. I concur the number of postings for critique should be limited. Even more so than the other forums. There are few willing, able, or interested in critiquing and resources have to be shared. There is a difference between a critique and a reply. It is logical in CA you want critiques rather than simple replies. Based upon the replies to my query, I'll assume to be totally accepted in CA you should be a critiquer as well as a submitter. I am not saying that is wrong. I was just asking what I thought was a legitimate question to find out if that was the view. Apparently it is. I accept that view. |
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mysticpoe Senior Member
since 2003-02-28
Posts 883 |
Hi brigit, nice feeling displayed with this poem. Enjoyed the direction of the write. At times, certain content will convey more depth without going rhythmic through-out. I liked what you wrote about, and how you wrote it. There are areas that need a bit of tweaking. But then again don't all write's. "but I long to be more to know no ceiling, and feel no floor." these couple of lines are outstanding. The nucleus of your feelings in the poem. Very nice. Embrace me as I learn never let me go you and I free to go with the flow of life. For me the ending of the last stanza just didn't fit. Maybe this will flow better without losing your original intentions. Embrace me as I learn never let me go you and I are free - to flow through life, this life - we now know. Hope this helps, wayne If nothing is something |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
"Oh, and one does necessarily need to 'critique' in order to be heard in this forum no? (Though it's always nice lol)" I critique poetry because the poet shares it and it is worthy of critique, not because the poet has anything to do with critique-craft at all. He or she may have come here for a critical response only and not wish to be a critic; if she is kind enough to give poetry and that is very artful indeed, then she certainly deserves a giving of critique back. That is where my opinion stand on this right now. No poetry should be treated by bias regarding the poet's dedication or non-dedication to critiquecraft, that is the critics craft- and not necessarily the poets. [This message has been edited by Essorant (12-15-2003 10:36 AM).] |
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gourdmad Member
since 2003-12-01
Posts 136Upper Ohio Valley |
Perhaps I am confused. I was touring various sites before I alit here. Somehow I got the idea that there was a sort of post two critiques for every poem you posted on this particular forum. Naturally, when I went back thru all the FAQS and intros etc., I can't find that anywhere, so maybe it was on a completely different website? I thought I read somewhere that general posting was in a different forum on this site, this was more specificially designed for critiquing, so expect it, and if you wanted to be critiqued, do some critiquing. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
The point is, there are no professional critics in here. In fact, there are no poetry "experts." We all hang out in CA hoping to learn a little and maybe improve our writing abilities just a bit. This is a give-and-take environment. It only seems fair that one should give as much as he takes. Otherwise, someone else is doing your part. Yes, if you don't want to give then that is officially acceptable. I wonder how long those who are giving will continue to support a taker under those conditions. Now, that's what I think. Do whatever you think is appropriate and makes you comfortable with yourself. Pete |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
"Do whatever you think is appropriate and makes you comfortable with yourself." I appreciate that most. lend even when men do not lend and never not be a man's friend. [This message has been edited by Essorant (12-15-2003 11:53 AM).] |
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Brigid WillowKeeper Member
since 2003-08-24
Posts 88OHIO IN USA |
Woah, all sixty-something of those posts aren't all from my poetry and replies to my own work! I linger around other boards such as Teen Poetry, and Dark Poetry, and Passions in Prose. I have replied and done minor critiquing for others. I cannot come here regularly because my scheduale doesn't allow it. I just recently came back, and posted my poems. I figured I should post them here because I would like to enter some into contests. I thank those who have helped me, and sided with me. To those who think I am a little spoiled snot who is a taker and not a giver as well, I am sorry you feel so. I will tweak with my poem, and edit it later on, so those who gave me advice, let me know what you think. *goes off to work on poem* |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
Brigid, What kind of contests? I hope you don't mean anything at Poetry.com! |
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Brigid WillowKeeper Member
since 2003-08-24
Posts 88OHIO IN USA |
Well, poetry contests. I haven't found a particular one yet. I know there is one every year that publishes yours in a book if you win. I won it in 7th and 8th grade. I may enter this year too. What about poetry.com? |
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Tim Senior Member
since 1999-06-08
Posts 1794 |
Got it now, thanks. |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
Poetry.com? |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Brigid - you're not a 'spoiled snot' lol...you're very welcome here - it was all just a gentle reminder of how we try to work round here... Oh and Poetry.com? If you do want to enter serious contests, and have your work taken seriously - Avoid. Avoid. Avoid. K |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
I'm sorry I didn't critique your poem; I just have been in too bad a mood lately to make poetry or critique. |
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