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Critical Analysis #2
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eulalie
New Member
since 2003-11-16
Posts 8


0 posted 2003-11-16 11:06 PM


Old loves revisit me when clear yellow
strands from different hell darkened nadirs
gossip about a drunk evenings sorrow,
and dance off the stench of sweat, sex, and beer.

The principal champagne color’d tuft taunts
a hundred angry, semi-curly, browns
from my ever balding head, and détentes,
“I’m glad my sisters won’t be see’n ya’roun’.”

With a click the machine begins to spin,
Causing blank (memory-less) nights zoom,
non-stop, towards the same sewage plant bin
to meet with wasted dreams from other rooms

Clean sheets now await the quenching chaos
of nightly quests to wrought another loss.



© Copyright 2003 eulalie - All Rights Reserved
eulalie
New Member
since 2003-11-16
Posts 8

1 posted 2003-11-16 11:38 PM


sorry this is the copy that was prerevisions.  Here is the current copy.

Old loves revisit me when clear yellow
hairs from different hell darkened nadirs
gossip about a drunk evenings sorrow,
and dance off the stench of sweat, sex, and beer.

The principal champagne color’d tuft taunts
a hundred angry, semi-curly, browns
from my ever balding head, and détentes,
“I’m glad my sisters won’t be see’n ya’roun’.”

With a click the machine begins to spin,
and lost hairs from past love affairs zoom,
non-stop, towards the same sewage plant bin
to meet the wasted dreams from other rooms.

Clean sheets now await the quenching chaos
of nightly quests, that wrought another loss.

Essorant
Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada
2 posted 2003-11-18 08:31 PM



Eulalie,

Interesting Sonnet         
May it do with  "hair" in line ten; you may then have "zooms" to the perfect with "rooms".  
I thought it was well expressed for the most part; goodly done.

Essorant

[This message has been edited by Essorant (11-18-2003 09:02 PM).]

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