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Critical Analysis #2
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the walking dead
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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the walking dead |
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rich-pa Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 317New Orleans, Louisiana |
i tend to stay away from structures, but this is a villanelle, how did i do? I have seen the dead walking in the streets, Wandering through the eerie twilight glow, Oblivious to their own soul’s defeat. They look like you and me, one head, two feet, Leaving us undistinguished from death’s blow. I have seen the dead walking in the streets. The first time I saw them it seemed a feat To see them walking with us and not know If they were there to render our defeat. Then one day, tired of being discreet, I talked to them though I felt my fear grow. I have seen the dead walking in the streets. They said hello to me, not skipping a beat, It was as they were unwilling to show That they were the victims of Time’s defeat. If you think you see one don’t try to greet Them, or you’ll learn what I did, that although I have seen the dead walking in the streets, I know we’ve all suffered the same defeat. "freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose..." -janis joplin |
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| © Copyright 2003 rich cooper - All Rights Reserved | |||
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merlynh Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 411deer park, wa |
I'll be right up front, I'm not a poet in say some since of the word. But I am a person who studies ideas from words gouped in different ways as part of a creation process to form tangible forms that a reader can understand clearly. I feel if you devoloped this piece more you might be able to round out more of what you feel more clearly than worrying about the villanelle form. Walking dead is feat for the discreet as you put it. I believe you have only scrached the surface of what you are able to. There is a more vision to work you started I can see it in the read. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Well, you're more than halfway there. You have repeated L1 properly in stanzas 2,4 and 6. The form also calls for L3 to be repeated as the last lines of stanzas 3,5 and 6. You repeated the last word only. That repetition is what makes a villanelle so difficult. It is alos what makes it. Pete |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
Hello, It is a good assay at the form overall to my supposing. But I found the use of the pronouns "I," "They," and "them" starts to get overmuch. Perhaps more adjectives and description of these "dead" and the setting may help give a bit more character in place of the pronouns. Or else different kennings for to emphasize "the dead". "the deathbitten" "the deathfared" etc. Just some ideas. Graces, Essorant [This message has been edited by Essorant (11-01-2003 06:27 PM).] |
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lilblondepimpette Junior Member
since 2003-11-02
Posts 10LA, Calfornia, USA |
Its a good poem, however I would change a few things. Yes, I know poems can be reptitive, and I like that but I wouldn't use it as much, maybe do a poem where theres no actual rhyme or a reason your writing, I love doing those poems. and another thing I would change is that I would add more imagery (sp?) talk about the scene, where is this happening? what street are you talking about? stuff like that. Hope i helped Taylor |
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