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Critical Analysis #2
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eyes closed
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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eyes closed |
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colifer Junior Member
since 2003-09-20
Posts 37Ohio |
eyes closed...everything still without warn...without notice out of the ground...into the skies into the darkness where it lies. eyes straining to focus or open the black fades to red all is covered in this substance all is found, all is dead. the quiet has been mistaken for peace or other form a misjudgement all have passed for the cold seems very warm. Where are the kings? Where is the throne? The men, we rule when we are alone. Somewhere, sleeping somewhere dying somewhere evil continues lying. "All this darkness will go away." So say my prayers by break of day. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Cole Simon - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I have to be honest... I can't really discern quite what you intend this to be about. Your style seems to be all over the place, and while you have a definite atmosphere, I think ultimately, that's about what it amounts to. Exactly what were you trying to say with this? If you explain that to me, I can reread it with that in mind and maybe give some pointers on how to better focus your writing. Welcome to the forum, and I hope I'll be able to help with this. |
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merlynh Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 411deer park, wa |
At the break of dawn all day long, Is the start of hope. When else should one pray, I agree. Everything comes with time in it's own season. We all will know. Keep it up. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Just a personal observation here. The way CA works is everyone is expected to contribute to the criticism process. You are likely to get more response if you also contribute to that process. Rather than submit a whole gaggle of poetry for "the critics" to analyse, why nmot try contributing to others' efforts a little too? Pete |
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colifer Junior Member
since 2003-09-20
Posts 37Ohio |
yeh that was already brought to my attention, pete. and i plan to rectify it as soon as i have a solid hour to sit down and look at some. which is soon. have patience with a man you don't know. i mean no disrespect,of course. |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
Well? |
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rich-pa Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 317New Orleans, Louisiana |
yeah, i'm with hush on this one, i really have no idea what you're trying to tell me in this one...i mean it's full of some grand abstract ideas but all you're doing is telling me some stuff, you need to show it to me, make it concrete, it will help if you tell us what it is about but it would help even more if that was in the poem. "freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose..." -janis joplin |
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