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Critical Analysis #2

Scrach not that rhythm

merlynh
Member

since 1999-09-26

Posts 411
deer park, wa

0 posted 2003-10-11 07:12 AM

The cat jumped on the wall!
Why it fell on it's back and did not laid on it's feet? Know one will really know.

When it came slapping back on it's head,
When it came down on it's back.
Know one will really know.

It merely said,
"Hey, that's a nice change?"
Took a deep breath and said,

"You can't rhythm, you can't rhyme.
There's no dead ducks
Bare feet,
Claws hanging from no walls."
With a bleat,

"it's a slip slide into the rhythm,
the rhyme that makes all things jive.
Go on!  Throw down your clothes.
Go-on-a hoop ride.
Love is in the air
It's for all to share.

Criticism,
Advertizing,
Professionalism to the discriminating evaluations.

It's right here
The Critical Analysis of Life.
It's poetry!  To some.
To others?
It's their life."

Than he took another breath,
how ever so faint,
Died.


We can't be as cool as a cat who always lands on his feet.  It's nice to slide.  So let your rhythm, your rhyme.  Come from your heart and not your mind.

cynicsRus
Senior Member

since 2003-06-06

Posts 591
So Cal So Cool!

1 posted 2003-10-11 10:49 AM

quote:
The cat jumped on the wall!
Why it fell on it's(sic) back and did not laid(sic) on it's feet? Know(sic) one will really know.

When it came slapping back on it's(sic) head,
When it came down on it's(sic) back.
Know(sic) one will really know. .

It was almost painful just trying to get beyond these first lines.
But I must say it was almost refreshing to find you admitting that:

quote:
"You can't rhythm, you can't rhyme.

Sid @ www.cynicsRus.com
www.primerhymeetc.com

Seth
Member

since 2003-04-13

Posts 74
Arizona

2 posted 2003-10-11 05:03 PM

Actualy...I get a very "Brit" underground vibe from this poem. I saw, or thought I saw you reversing the chronological order of the cats landing or lack there of. But it didn't seem to fit...but thats not always the point eh'?

Nice write, after the You cant Rhyme line every thing jived very well....hmmm...jazz...

~seth

merlynh
Member

since 1999-09-26

Posts 411
deer park, wa

3 posted 2003-10-11 05:10 PM

I like your (sic) inserts, sort of makes more since. I checked out your link also. Don't be surprised odd things abound around some of us.

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