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warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

0 posted 2003-09-19 12:31 PM

When you're eating dust,
there is no right or left,
there is only the whole,
that's what you're there for.

When you're carrying the body of a buddy,
you don't care if he was on your side,
he fought right there with you,
died for all of us,
we never ask,
it never matters,
war melts that all away.

After all is said and done,
and you are home once more,
what might matter
is the right or left
that sent you there,
if it was the right thing to do,
for the right reasons.

"It is wisdom to know others;
It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

1 posted 2003-09-19 10:27 AM

Hi Kris

It looks like you are getting some of the old fire back. This looks like your style although it does seem to be an entirely new topic. Sort of a war protest without protesting? I can see multiple layers here. I can read it through a soldier's eyes or a politician's. It even comes through as the genreal public, which I suspect was your intent.

This is nicely done. It makes its point without going ove the top. The only thing that seemed a little out of place to me was the references to right and left. I wonder if those terms have been so overused in the political arena as to be too cliched for a poem. Maybe some more obscure terms would be more interesting while still conveying the same sentiment.

Thanks,
Pete

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

2 posted 2003-09-19 11:51 AM

Hi Pete,

I used the term "right" and "left" because they are also easily used in other forms in the poem, but still can be referenced back to the originally used meanings.

Nice to see you...thanks for your kind words, and for your suggestions.

Kris

"It is wisdom to know others;
It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu

Legion
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 54

3 posted 2003-09-20 12:21 PM

I’m not sure I have the ability to offer any advice on this other than to echo Pete’s remarks and bump it up in the hope that a free verse writer will notice it.

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

4 posted 2003-09-20 07:20 PM

What's the line from Lee, "It is good that war is terrible, for it is glorious," or something like that.

I wonder if this romanticization of war was intended?

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

5 posted 2003-09-20 10:04 PM

Legion,

Thought that was what you wrote (free verse), but thanks for bumping it up.

Brad,

What in the heck are you talking about?

Kris

"It is wisdom to know others;
It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu

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