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| Critical Analysis #2 |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore 
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His close friends are those who will lend him a few bucks and not expect it to be returned He will reciprocrate likewise Once, when I stayed in his village, a Vietnamese boy rode me to his haunt We then played Fifa 98, me less concerned about scoring goals than trying to grasp the enormity of this timeless moment~ that two guys made a connection without intelligent communication as a catalyst He thinks that it isn't possible to make lasting friends in junior college He's only 17 I feel sorry for the people in FRIENDS because I suspect their friendships may be like well worn wallets that one can't bear to replace, having lost his resilience against change Two siblings with their various takes on friendship Living under the same roof with their paths never crossed |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Amazing, but I do understand that last line. I have two brothers and three sisters, and no one in the family to talk to most of the time. We are all incredibly separated by miles as well as personalities. *having lost his resilience against change* I think it should read 'to change' rather than 'against', but it's "small potatoes" as my employer would say. |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I really like the first stanza here, good hook. It's not really specified whether the qualities are a good thing or a bad thing. Overall, I would suggest some clarity. Stanza two is really confusing, because I'm not alway sure who you're talking about... Are you one of the two guys? Or are there two guys there? Who exactly is 'we'? Interesting poem, hope I've helped in this unfortunately brief comment. |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Kacy, LOL about the potatoes. and sorry about how you could relate to this from a personal viewpoint Hush, thanks for your "unfortunately brief" comment  i appreciate it, really. yup, will follow your suggestion and work towards making this whole piece clearer. sometimes, it's hard for me to read my work from another person's point of view? (sigh sigh) so thanks for this much-needed perspective....  just to clarify things in this post? --i was one of the "two guys" --the other guy was the Vietnamese boy --"we" included the Vietnamese boy and I |
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