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Critical Analysis #2
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kaile
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since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore

0 posted 2003-09-14 12:06 PM


His close friends are those
who will lend him a few bucks
and not expect it to be returned
He will reciprocrate likewise

Once, when I stayed in his village,
a Vietnamese boy rode me to his haunt
We then played Fifa 98,
me less concerned about scoring goals
than trying to grasp
the enormity of this timeless moment~
that two guys made a connection
without intelligent communication as a catalyst

He thinks that it isn't possible
to make lasting friends in junior college
He's only 17

I feel sorry for the people in FRIENDS
because I suspect their friendships
may be like well worn wallets
that one can't bear to replace,
having lost his resilience against change

Two siblings with their various takes on friendship
Living under the same roof
with their paths never crossed

© Copyright 2003 heng kaile - All Rights Reserved
Midnitesun
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since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
1 posted 2003-09-14 02:01 PM


Amazing, but I do understand that last line. I have two brothers and three sisters, and no one in the family to talk to most of the time. We are all incredibly separated by miles as well as personalities.

*having lost his resilience against change*

I think it should read 'to change' rather than 'against', but it's "small potatoes" as my employer would say.

hush
Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653
Ohio, USA
2 posted 2003-09-18 08:14 AM


I really like the first stanza here, good hook. It's not really specified whether the qualities are a good thing or a bad thing.

Overall, I would suggest some clarity. Stanza two is really confusing, because I'm not alway sure who you're talking about... Are you one of the two guys? Or are there two guys there? Who exactly is 'we'?

Interesting poem, hope I've helped in this unfortunately brief comment.

kaile
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since 2000-02-06
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singapore
3 posted 2003-09-19 01:45 PM


Kacy, LOL about the potatoes. and sorry about how you could relate to this from a personal viewpoint

Hush, thanks for your "unfortunately brief" comment i appreciate it, really. yup, will follow your suggestion and work towards making this whole piece clearer. sometimes, it's hard for me to read my work from another person's point of view? (sigh sigh) so thanks for this much-needed perspective....

just to clarify things in this post?

--i was one of the "two guys"
--the other guy was the Vietnamese boy
--"we" included the Vietnamese boy and I

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