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First paradelle
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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First paradelle |
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Raz Member
since 2002-04-30
Posts 51Quebec, Canada |
Other opportunities He looks confused; tilts his head to one side, again he looks confused; tilts his head to one side, again she smiles and then frowns; sneezes once, twice, walks away. She smiles and then frowns; sneezes once, twice, walks away. Again she smiles, sneezes twice and frowns; confused, he looks away then, walks to one side, tilts his head. Months of opportunities, years even. Passing, cringing months of opportunities, years even. Passing, cringing, they’re always polite, though, always kind. They’re always polite. Though always kind they’re always cringing, even passing opportunities. Kind years, though always of polite months It’s funny how they dream of each other. At night it’s funny how they dream of each other. At night they are past sneezes, cringing and smiles. They are past sneezes. Cringing and smiles: it’s how they dream at night. It’s funny, each sneezes, cringing, and smiles past the other. They are of dreams. Each night cringing he sneezes and sneezes, she smiles at his cringing, frowns, always walks away then looks once again to one side, smiles even confused and tilts head twice. Years, they are passing of months. Funny how they’re kind of past polite, it’s though they always…. Other opportunities. |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
I have no idea what a paradelle is but always Raz, I love the way you write and what you have to say. This is one form I have yet to try. hugs M |
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Raz Member
since 2002-04-30
Posts 51Quebec, Canada |
"The paradelle consists of 4 6-line stanzas. The first two lines of the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd stanzas are the same within each stanza, as are the 3rd and 4th. Given a line, A, and a different line, B, the first four lines of the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd stanza would be AABB. The closing couplet of each of the first 3 stanzas is built out of all the (distinct) words in the previous lines and only those words. The final 6 line stanza is built out of all the (distinct) words in all the previous stanzas and only those words." -Raz |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
a bit over my head I think. It just didin't make any sense to me, even after three times of reading...or was that six times since everything was repeated twice? |
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Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Nan is the one to give this a "grade" Raz, and I forwarded it to her. Nan holds the workshops in Passions. This too, was over my head, but I bet not hers  |
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Raz Member
since 2002-04-30
Posts 51Quebec, Canada |
passing shadows, that makes at least six times, if not more, as the final stanza and the final two lines of the first three use only words used beofre... maybe eight or nine times. The form is one I'm new at, and I don't think I'm anywhere near to getting it right, let alone mastering it. This is simply about missed opportunities, chances not taken, repetition of small hopeful actions and small instances of discomfort. Friends too afraid of each other to allow themselves to explore another form of relationship. Maybe. Out of discomfort they crnge, then sneeze, then smile. Most actions are repeated, I think. Maybe. -Raz [This message has been edited by Raz (05-02-2002 12:08 PM).] |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
Well, I was coming in here to see if I could learn something new...I learned, but I suppose I left my training and desire for training in the college literature class years ago. I use to find it fascinating to figure out e.e. cummings and the rest, but I think I've gotten old now. Thanks for explaining it and since you put it that way, I can see what it's saying. I'm going back home to the Open Poetry Forum now. |
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Raz Member
since 2002-04-30
Posts 51Quebec, Canada |
NO NO NO!!! passing shadows, one of the most helpful assignments I was ever given in a poetry class was formal poetry. It is very restricting at times, but once you're able to work well within a form you really get a sense of accomplishment. Perhaps not the best poetry you've ever written, but you do learn to work with arbitrary rules. Free verse is as hard, if not harder, than formal poetry in that you have to make up your own rules and conventions. Form will frustrate you, surprise you, and at times even be fun. Any art form requires a certain degree of discipline. The paradelle isn't for everybody (I'm not ever sure it's for anybody), but sonnets, villanelles are not so insane and not as difficult to write. The desire to learn is the only indicator of youth. You stop wanting to learn, you start dying bit by bit. Try new things! Eat new foods! That's how I see it, at least. -Raz |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
quote: a truer statement i've not heard all day. on top of having to make your own rules, you STILL have to be mindful of flow and meter (didn't know there was meter in free verse? silly you!  ) as well as avoiding the cliches that are much easier (in my op) to get stuck on in free verse than in formed poetry. with the forms, you're given a bit of leeway. not in free verse, oh no.ok, i'll stop now. re: this poem - i'm NOT a fan of paradelles at all, so any critique i could give might be meaningless. i LOVE repititionrepitition but i think this form takes it too far. my op is all, not a criticism of you or the poem. Chris |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Raz, thanks for teaching me something new...i will be game to try this out since it is my holidays now...(ya, i'm a young rascal )...though you must have spent a lot of time at this--it must be hard to manipulate those words around your general themedo we have to care about meter and syllable count though? and i thought it was a tad forced that the two leads in the poem sneeze ALL the time..heeheee  |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Chris, yup, silly me  ..no, i didn't know you are supposed to have meter in free verse..(if i did, i would probably not have even tried writing)...er, do you mind elaborating on that statement if it won't take up too much of your time? |
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