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Critical Analysis #2
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bgryan
Junior Member
since 2003-06-16
Posts 30
North Ireland

0 posted 2003-08-20 03:46 PM


Crowded rooms filled with lonely lives
fancy talk in perfumed air
rich men laugh,poor man cries
someone sings a lullaby.

Too much food and too much wine
starving children left behind
all those plans gone to waste,
shall we never embrace?

Shake my hand and say goodbye
let your eyes search the sky
thoughts return into your head,
someone sings a lullaby.

Crowded rooms filled with broken dreams
the vacant stare of men apart
nobody near to wipe a tear,
someone sings a lullaby.

© Copyright 2003 B.G.Ryan - All Rights Reserved
grassy ninja
Junior Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 41
Kentucky
1 posted 2003-08-21 01:20 PM


since you request mild critique, i just have one suggestion: why not make the fourth line of the second stanza "someone sings a lullaby"?  the line you have now is forced rhyme that doesn't contribute much to the poem.  i like most of the imagines in the poem, except the rich men laughing and poor men crying, it seems kind of trite.  good luck.
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