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Crowded Rooms
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Crowded Rooms |
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bgryan Junior Member
since 2003-06-16
Posts 30North Ireland |
Crowded rooms filled with lonely lives fancy talk in perfumed air rich men laugh,poor man cries someone sings a lullaby. Too much food and too much wine starving children left behind all those plans gone to waste, shall we never embrace? Shake my hand and say goodbye let your eyes search the sky thoughts return into your head, someone sings a lullaby. Crowded rooms filled with broken dreams the vacant stare of men apart nobody near to wipe a tear, someone sings a lullaby. |
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| © Copyright 2003 B.G.Ryan - All Rights Reserved | |||
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grassy ninja Junior Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 41Kentucky |
since you request mild critique, i just have one suggestion: why not make the fourth line of the second stanza "someone sings a lullaby"? the line you have now is forced rhyme that doesn't contribute much to the poem. i like most of the imagines in the poem, except the rich men laughing and poor men crying, it seems kind of trite. good luck. |
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