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Everlasting
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Everlasting |
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
Youth and fire glowing phase New shine and burning rays All from little age appear Charming pure gentle here Little people grow inside Love the choice and decide Born the same Pyro freaks Military Spiral leaks Dirt collect Hidden squeaks Fill the bag Till no one speaks Introduce friendly smile and tease Rubber grip shower mishap sneeze Buy and infant fortune gone Load regret ignite its on Sin stacked in the hour glass Immortal lie stainless past Born the same Pyro freaks Military Spiral leaks Dirt collect Hidden squeaks Fill the bag Till no one speaks ---------------------------------- Im scattered and sont feel I can return comfortably enough to compete this the way I had planned. Please comment and tell me what I could do to improve |
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| © Copyright 2003 Kenneth Craig Rogers - All Rights Reserved | |||
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grassy ninja Junior Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 41Kentucky |
it's obvious from this poem that you have an extensive vocabulary and an incredible command of these words. the only suggestions i have are to 1) temper that (occasionally) with syntax, punctuation, meter, and form. 2) make your meaning more clear to the reader. suggestion #2 comes from the heart, as that was my biggest problem with writing poetry a few years ago. it's a sensitive subject, because for one, the poem may have a very specific personal meaning to you that's as clear as day, and because i remember resenting having to explain my poetry. it was my poem, and my meaning. with a poem like this, the words are the main units of the poem, not the lines. to analyze it, i have to look at each word, and decide -what its meaning is -what its part is in the context in the poem -if the word is meant literally, ironically, sarcastically, dismissively, etc, etc i also have to decide for myself, where you are using understatement, hyperbole, irony, etc. i don't remember who told me, but i was once told that the line is supposedly the main unit of the poem. meaning, for me, that each line of a good poem can stand alone. it won't make as much sense, but it has "poetic value," meaning, i suppose that it conveys some sort of emotion. i get the most satisfaction out of reading a poem when i can make a connection with the poet. it is easier to do that when one can derive meaning from the poem. i would suggest trying to limit the number of adjectives in your poem, and concentrate on letting your verbs work harder to tell the story of the poem. just my suggestion. good luck. |
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
Grassy Ninja thanks for your response. I appreciate your advise and will do my best to apply it in the future. Its kind of hard to see where I get sloppy sometimes because I guess Im just not used to the analyzing poetry. So thanks again. |
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