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| Critical Analysis #2 |
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raevynsbreath Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 64Mi, USA |
it's a dead faced junior prom queen loving everyone she sees a no a yes a black stain on a pink dress a young girl's shriek a young boy's knees get weak with every rigid breath he doesn't take as each window pane breaks ending another poor kitten's right to selfish freedom of food and luxury why? couldn't tell ya unless you feed me eight cents a day every single different way and jam your dry hands into mounds of dirt and dry your sand filled tears with someone else's sleeve it's not as we knew it only as we see it but even then we're blind it's a messed up car wreck wrap it around the neighbor's tree cling to your friend she's already gone a long hello quick goodbye casket shut no time to cry it's an old man bent over a pocket change cane it's watching as he falls and not helping him up [This message has been edited by raevynsbreath (07-24-2003 12:39 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 _rae - All Rights Reserved | |||
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grassy ninja Junior Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 41Kentucky |
i really like the images in this poem. each stanza seems to stand on its as a scene in the very cynical, and slightly tragic world of the poem. i think ending with the old man falling and not being helped up is awesome. i also like the way things are contrasted in. the black stain on the pink dress, the long hello vs. the quick goodbye. i think the use of shorter lines is very effective here. the only problem i have with the poem is that in some of the stanzas there is no real transition. i have trouble figuring out what ties all these stanzas together, or more simply put, what this poem is about. it grabs my interest, but i want to know more. i'm afraid i don't have much advice because i find myself guilty of the same thing often. when you have so many interesting images, as you do here, it's hard to go back, and potentially let go of some to clarify the meaning of the poem. good luck. |
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raevynsbreath Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 64Mi, USA |
i thank you for your comment. i appreciate it. but this poem is something within me and it fits in it's own twisted, non-connecting way. i dare not change it because every reader will take it as they will. maybe a second or third glance will help. if not, then maybe you are right. i bid you good day. _rae |
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