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j0n4th4n
Member

since 2003-03-11

Posts 94

0 posted 2003-07-18 07:56 PM

long ago, in winter, i felt
loneliness almost keep me
company. it stretched over me
and pointed to my future; and
said, look, this is what you'll
be, and this is waht you are: alone.

and i could believe. quite
easily,
it made me unhappy,
but i agreed. there was a wall,
i felt between me and
other people; and impossible
to break. there were holes,
and gaps that were less than
brick-sized, but communication
was difficult, you see, when
there's a wall between you and the world.

so why did she decide
to talk to me?
did she notice i was
cut-off? did she care i was strange,
stranger even than i wanted to seem;
incurable freak, unable to be
friends with anyone.
so she didn't care and
also she noticed,
then, that i had
been alone such a long time.

one day she showed me
how to fold paper
like this, like this, in such
a way as to create a delicate bird.
or she tried to show me, rather,
'cause i couldn't do it. her soft
but long fingers were so quick,
even my eyes didn't see. i had
made a mess of folded angles.
but i never knew what
became of the bird she made.
did
she give it to me?
where is it?, i think now;
only paper yes, but still
it must be
somewhere. but where?
maybe it was left in the past;
maybe still there, somewhere
on a table, in January the 14th.

but i don't know why she
showed me this art i couldn't learn.
what had it meant to her,
this polite friendliness?
strange, she wanted to
be nice to me because
she felt i was lonely. just that.
maybe nothing more.
have i ever done a thing like that?
and at the time i was
so ungrateful.
'who is this plump oriental
girl that follows me round
like she has the hots for me?
does she think i will
like her too? hmm i wish
she'd leave me alone
so i can talk to that girl
i like... i have to go soon... hmm,
quite annoying.'

or at other times,
'i don't really like
her but she'll do to talk to.
she's a girl, after all'

so as you can maybe guess, i
feel ashamed. and its absurd.
how can i have known
that months later, she's
almost my wife.

and i think now,
how would i had reached her,
from behind my wall,
if she hadn't broken it?

because it was me who reached,
despite my bad thoughts,
it was me who pulled her
towards me! but only after
she had made it possible. but
would i have tried if she had not?

[This message has been edited by j0n4th4n (07-18-2003 08:05 PM).]

rose
Member

since 2003-08-02

Posts 53

1 posted 2003-08-09 12:13 PM

wow! this is such an intense poem...i am really impressed. i felt like i could really connect with it....the image of the wall was really powerful, and you managed to communicate that feeling of being behind a wall superbly. as well, i really like the format of the poem...where you chose to place line breaks and such. please keep posting...your work is incredible.
rose

j0n4th4n
Member

since 2003-03-11

Posts 94

2 posted 2003-08-10 02:17 PM

thankyou very much rose! actually this poem is still a 'work in progress', but thankyou for seeing some good in it even in this raw stage.

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