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Critical Analysis #2
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Lonely In There?
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Lonely In There? |
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MsSouthernOrchid Member
since 2003-07-12
Posts 192 |
This is one of my sillier poems about a goldfish. You Lonely In there? Little goldfish in your bowl, what do you do all day for fun? Just swimmimg around in your little space, do you wish you could jump out and run? Are you a bit intimidated by the world outside that you see, or would you get excited at the prospect of being free? Do you feel trapped in your small world, do you ever feel lonely or sad? Are you content in your tiny space? I guess you can't miss what you've never had. Mary (MsSouthernOrchid) |
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| © Copyright 2003 MsSouthernOrchid(Mary) - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ladybug Member
since 2003-06-17
Posts 236Massachusetts |
Haha, cute poem. Made me laugh! When using rhyme, it is important that meter is consistent. Otherwise, it makes it difficult for the reader to follow if the poem doesn't flow smoothly. The meter is what makes your head begin to bob up and down when you read -- you begin to expect accents on certain syllables, and when this doesn't happen, it can throw the reader off. I noticed a big change in stanza 3, in terms of syllables. I think your work has potential, you just need to tighten the meter. Hope this helps!  Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end... |
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