»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #2
»
Zephyr
| Critical Analysis #2 |
|
Zephyr |
|
|
Ladybug Member
since 2003-06-17
Posts 236Massachusetts 
|
Velvet lips awaken my skin, each kiss entices with delicate promise - I gasp, inhaling the ripe breeze He gently lays his head upon my heart Feel the beat, the breath – I draw him in deeply never to exhale again Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end... [This message has been edited by Ladybug (07-12-2003 03:42 PM).] |
||
| © Copyright 2003 Shannon - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
cynicsRus Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591So Cal So Cool! |
Been away for a while. Just got around to reading this, and I must say--it's quite enticing and sultry in its simplicity. Just letting you know I enjoyed it. Sid@cynicsRus.com |
||
|
MsSouthernOrchid Member
since 2003-07-12
Posts 192 |
Ladybug, Good one. Sultry, yet sweet at the same time. |
||
|
Ford Junior Member
since 2003-05-11
Posts 12Arkansaw |
Hi- Just thought I'd compliment you on how you ended the poem. The last two stanzas were very refreshing and original, and I enjoyed them alot. Good poem overall, thanks for puttin that one up here. |
||
|
grassy ninja Junior Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 41Kentucky |
i like the flow of this poem. it's beautiful in its brevity and simplicity. it's short stanzas read almost like the "breaths" in this poem. a few critiques: "Velvet lips awaken my skin, each kiss entices with delicate promise-" i like the near rhyme of lips, kiss, promise. makes me wish there was something to echo this in line to. line 2 is not really one of my favorites in this poem. like the image, but not the sound. "I gasp, inhaling the ripe breeze" this part, i feel, kind of comes out of nowhere, and is not touched upon later in the poem. perhaps, if you find a way to work in a breath-breeze metaphor or similie it would work better for me. "He gently lays his head upon my heart Feel the beat, the breath –" this part seems to me like the end of the romantic encounter. i like the introduction of the breath that plays on the inhale/exhale. "I draw him in deeply never to exhale again" the last stanza of the poem is my favorite. i think that it's supposed to symbolize the decision of commitment, but it could also have another, darker dimension. the "he" in the poem goes on breathing, his heart continues to beat. the speaker stops breathing, which, to me, brings up images of death and suffocation. it's an interesting comment on how love (or infatuation) can affect a person, even if you didn't mean it that way. thanks for the read. |
||
|
Ladybug Member
since 2003-06-17
Posts 236Massachusetts |
Thanks, Sid! I, too, have been away for a while. I was camping for two weeks, so I'm sorry I didn't respond for a while!  Thanks MsSouthernOrchid and Ford, I'm glad you enjoyed it!  Thanks for your comments, Grassy Ninja. As for the breath/breeze metaphor...the title attempts to introduce this. Zephyr being a gentle wind/breeze, usually refreshing. The breathe metaphor is evident throughout, but the breeze metaphor is implied; his kisses give off a gentle breeze and I inhale, never to exhale again. You are correct about the ending symbolizing commitment. Never to exhale again -- never let him go. Very interesting about your other interpretation -- infatuation, suffocation -- no, this was not my intention, but I always love to hear what others might get out of my poem. Thanks again!  Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end... |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
