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Critical Analysis #2
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Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

0 posted 2003-07-08 04:35 PM


             Relativity

If I travel quickly and return
With haste to where I started long ago,
What time will pass and what lies there to learn ...
If I travel quickly and return?
At lightning speed, I think my mind must yearn
To comprehend the facts I cannot know,
If I travel quickly and return
With haste to where I started long ago.



© Copyright 2003 Pete Rawlings - All Rights Reserved
xkiss_me_hardx
Junior Member
since 2003-07-08
Posts 13

1 posted 2003-07-08 06:50 PM


wow thats an interesting poem.  I had to read it twice, but my interpretation of it is how people return to quickly to where they are comfortable without taking the time to learn or appreciate where they are.  My only regret about this poem is that it was short, i wanted to read more when it was over.  Nice work though.  I think what would make it better though (very minor) is to use more "flavorful" word use if you understand me.  Get out a thesaurus and look up some synonyms. or go to www.m-w.com.  Other than that i think it was good.  On a scale of 1 to 10 I would give it a 7 or 8.
cynicsRus
Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591
So Cal So Cool!
2 posted 2003-07-08 10:14 PM


Pete,
Good example of a  TRIOLET .


Einstein would be pleased with this one.


Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
3 posted 2003-07-09 03:25 PM


Thanks both of you for commenting. Sid interpreted it as I intended. This obviously refers to Einstein's Special Theory of Relativity. The idea most difficult for most of us to accept is the compression of time brought on by rapid motion.

I tried to word this in a way he might have done, that is, if he were to write a triolet. I have another which is probably more obvious and is directly related to his personal explanation of the observations.

Thanks,
Pete



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