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Critical Analysis #2
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Liquid Rainbows
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Liquid Rainbows |
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just a junkie Member
since 2003-03-04
Posts 53 |
Liquid Rainbows Paint the world with all The colors of Insanity Watch it bleed Liquid rainbows For all to see Appreciate in wondrous glory What a bleeding world Has to offer a Stagnant existence Sell me liquid rainbows In holographic syringes To inject into my eye So beauty is only A gaze away Blood turns to paint And I can leave my story On an empty canvas Beneath liquid rainbows Where hate procreates And dreams will Rest in peace. Just A Junkie |
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| © Copyright 2003 just a junkie - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ladybug Member
since 2003-06-17
Posts 236Massachusetts |
Wow, I really love the imagery in this poem. Liquid rainbows -- such a cool idea, and I love how you use the paint/blood metaphor. Very cool, I enjoyed this very much!  Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end... |
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just a junkie Member
since 2003-03-04
Posts 53 |
Thanks Ladybug, I'm new at this CA stuff and am still not quite sure how it works. In any event...thank you for your nice comments and taking the time to read. Just A Junkie |
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Ladybug Member
since 2003-06-17
Posts 236Massachusetts |
You're very welcome, I like your work! And I'm pretty new to poetry forums also. I started posting on another site in April, and here at PIP in June. So far, I'm really enjoying it. I never used to share my poems, but it definitely has its benefits! Also, I love reading other people's work...so keep posting!  Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end... [This message has been edited by Ladybug (07-02-2003 04:10 PM).] |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
Hey... Just a couple of considerations here: Punctuation and capitalization- there aren't really set rules, but generally a poem reads better if you use at least some punctuation (or perhaps line breaks between stanzas in lieu of periods, or some dashes here or there) and don't capitalize the first letter of every line, but rather only those that start off a new sentence/thought. You might want to reconsider your line breaks too- some of them are pretty awkward: 'What a bleeding world Has to offer a Stagnant existence' This is the bets example... the break between 'a' and 'stagnant' is really clumsy- also, in regards to punctuation, this could use some work. Something along the lines of: 'What a bleeding world has to offer- a stagnant existence' I just think it would help the flow. One last point- the repetition of 'liquid dreams' three times is a bit of overkill... once should do the trick. That being said, I thought this was interesting... especially: 'Sell me liquid rainbows In holographic syringes To inject into my eye So beauty is only A gaze away' Now, I knew someone a few years ago who claimed to have injected heroin into her eye, and my mother, a nurse, asked herion addicts/users she knew whether this was possible, and they told her no. It strikes me, as an image, because I didn't know you actually could do it... I mean, how does one find a vein in the eye? I did, however, like the image of beauty only being a gaze away... I think it's the best line in the poem, and that you should build on that. Hope I've helped. |
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just a junkie Member
since 2003-03-04
Posts 53 |
You did make sense. I will make some corrections. Thanks for the advice. Just a junkie |
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just a junkie Member
since 2003-03-04
Posts 53 |
Hush, As far as the heroin in the eye trick....I've never personally done it. In fact this isn't even about heroin; and that is here nor there. One does not have to inject into a vein (although it is the preferred method) There is such a thing as "skin popping" with no veins needed. Use your veins enough and skin popping becomes an option or a necessity. I will say, however, that when I was in high school, someone shot liquid acid in the lower lid of his eye. I was very close to trying it myself....it just didn't seem "normal". Just a junkie |
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