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Faded Colors
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Faded Colors |
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ladywrytr Junior Member
since 2003-06-23
Posts 10Southeastern MA |
Faded Colors The colors in my world have faded Soaked in the bleach of your goodbye, They grow paler each day Yet every morning when I rise I go to the garden to tend the flowers And the colors grow brighter I will keep nurturing the blossoms Knowing that the answers and my colors Will soon be restored. What lies behind us and what lies before us are but tiny matters compared to what lies within us |
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| © Copyright 2003 Kimberley - All Rights Reserved | |||
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Hi Lady, I like your ideas and your metaphor used here, but you do have an inconsistency. Your first stanza states that the colors grow paler each day, and the second stanza says that yet every morning when you see the flowers, they grow brighter. I think if you can straighten this out, you'll have a much better poem. Kris "It is wisdom to know others; |
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Ladybug Member
since 2003-06-17
Posts 236Massachusetts |
Hi Mom!  Warmhrt has a good point here. When I read this a while ago, I didn't catch that inconsistency. I know what you are trying to say, but it is a little confusing the way you have it. The part that is throwing it off is the "each day" part. If they grow paler each day, how do they get brighter each morning? Perhaps add something that talks about how they "temporarily" grow brighter with each tending, and then this will tie in well with the third stanza...about how you will continue to nurture them, since you have seen that they are slowly growing brighter. Make sense? I really like this poem tho, it is one of my favorites!  Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end... |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
Or you could always liken it to the cycle of sunrise/noon/dusk/sunset... might be a good metaphor, it would also tie in well to the gardening bit... and it would explain how the colors can grow brighter and paler. Just as a side note, I thought the first two lines actually were: 'The colors in my words have faded Soaked in the bleach of your goodbye,' Until I reread it. Though it really wouldn't work with the rest of what you ahve here, I think it would be an interesting concept. Hope I've helped. |
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ladywrytr Junior Member
since 2003-06-23
Posts 10Southeastern MA |
Well, I appreciate the comments here. I was trying to capture that the gardening would help lift my low spirits even if only in a temporary way. When one is feeling blue, even a brief respite from that mood can bring hope and gardening brings renewal for me. Thanks again, Kim |
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