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Critical Analysis #2
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If words could only fly (repost from 27)
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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If words could only fly (repost from 27) |
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joyfull girl Junior Member
since 2003-06-10
Posts 15 |
I love you Did you hear me say I love you? In a whisper Across a crowded room If words could only fly You’d hear me My body lacks the conviction to move I search for your profile Among strangers My hands lay empty Without your fingers Alone I am alone I drove down the road That you and I took Only a few short weeks ago Now you can’t hear me My voice falls over These cliffs to the rocks below This time I didn’t drive so fast There was nowhere I had to be I drove so far to get away from my feelings Only I can’t get away from me I want to capture you in this light Just before sunset When the sky turns the world pink You would look so beautiful Sitting in this place That I’ve chosen to stop at and think You took me out of your life so completely You wrote me out of the story They say that love’s a game Well babe you won this round To the winner goes the glory I love you Did you hear me say I love you? Were you listening? Did you see tears in my eyes? I tried tore down my walls to be near you I was wrong now I’m left holding your lies |
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| © Copyright 2003 Joy - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I like the melancholy tone of this quite a bit... you might enhance it by adding some more images- something wistful, maybe- and working more descriptive words into the lines here and there. One other big thing I would work on... maybe some punctuation, additional to the question marks? Everything seems to kind of run together here, that might smooth that out a bit. Hope I've helped. |
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