My Friend - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Critical Analysis #2

My Friend

Cytten
Junior Member

since 2003-06-13

Posts 16
Canada

0 posted 2003-06-17 08:43 AM

My friend told me not to leave
to stay and let my fealings be
to se wht my love could see
to be true to me
I wonder how I can be true to me
I wish I knew what I could be
but O I wish and wish
it is not time I can't be me
My love can't see
who is really me

raevynsbreath
Member

since 2003-06-06

Posts 64
Mi, USA

1 posted 2003-06-17 11:13 AM

it seems as if you've taken the rhyming scheme from the last poem and thrown it in here only to repeat what you've said. i think a lot more time should be put into how you make the poem flow, not how the rhyming works.
forget about rhyming and work out the kinks in making the poem more unique.
as always,
good day.
_rae

martiniat8
Senior Member

since 2003-06-21

Posts 897
Prague, Bohemia, Czech Republic

2 posted 2003-06-21 04:27 AM

I REALLY like this one, Kitten!

It feels good to see your words again! Who does this pertain to? Why can't you be seen? Express more, let it flow!

Always Lisa
Member

since 2003-06-08

Posts 133

3 posted 2003-06-23 02:21 PM

You don't have the mechanics of meter to rhyme and little care was given to the reader.... Poor spelling. Youth should be no excuse with spell check and dictionary to aid you.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.