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navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #2 » Hold Me
Critical Analysis #2
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Cytten
Junior Member
since 2003-06-13
Posts 16
Canada
0 posted 2003-06-17 08:41 AM


Hold Me

Touching my lips in one final kiss
the thing that I shall never miss
the last kiss before you walked out pissed
some thing that I will never miss
our last final kiss
the last kiss
the last touch of your fingers on my lips
the last hug and love
the last of everything
Good and Bad
The end of us
though it is a must
You moved on now I shall too


© Copyright 2003 Cynthia - All Rights Reserved
raevynsbreath
Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 64
Mi, USA
1 posted 2003-06-17 11:09 AM

well, this was an okay poem.  it does seem to me, however, that the rhyming was forced and that is what is making the poem so hard to read.  maybe throw in a different rhyme here and there.  and things will be better.
take it or leave it.  
all's well that ends well.
_rae

[This message has been edited by raevynsbreath (06-17-2003 11:10 AM).]
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navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #2 » Hold Me

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