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Critical Analysis #2
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My Vines
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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My Vines |
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SCREAMIN Member
since 2003-04-28
Posts 51US, Tx |
The vines, they grow Through my skin, they show Twisting and falling Is it my name they’re calling? The vines, they grow They reap what they sow They’re calling to me Wishing me blind, as not to see The vines, they grow Somehow they know They’re calling my name The next victim to claim The vines, they grow They waver as the wind blows I seek the call Seconds before I fall The vines that grow Will not lie low They surround me with ease As I fall to my knees Blinded by the shroud Screaming so loud They’re watching me strain As I die in vain The vines, they grow I hope they know They’ll never be What they hope is killing me I know I'm not, by ANY means at ALL, a poet; so I figured I'd let y'all tell me what needs to be fixed. Anything you say will definitely be taken into consideration. [This message has been edited by SCREAMIN (06-10-2003 12:19 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Leslie - All Rights Reserved | |||
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raevynsbreath Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 64Mi, USA |
screamin'. hey there. i'd like to say i liked this poem, but it needs a bit of work. in your first three stanzas, they are telling the reader the same thing with three different wordings. see what you can do here. "The vines, they grow Through my skin, they show Twisting and falling Is it my name they’re calling? The vines, they grow They reap what they sow They’re calling to me Wishing me blind, as not to see The vines, they grow Somehow they know They’re calling my name The next victim to claim" so i think what should be done here is to tell something different of the vines. show the reader what the vines are doing to you. in the third stanza "The vines, they grow Somehow they know They’re calling my name The next victim to claim" find something to work with the victim part. that's good. but you keep telling us, the readers, that they're calling your name. what are you doing? giving in? show it. try it or not. an opinion means nothing in this digital world. good evening. _rae |
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