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Critical Analysis #2

D.R.E.A.M.S

RedStoneEB
Senior Member

since 2003-06-08

Posts 772
uk

0 posted 2003-06-09 01:48 PM

i am reading for you to destory me and tear my dreams apart tell me what you honestly think to this

__________________________________________________
The dreams I have of you
Standing out in moonlit skies
Soaking up the rays of light
Like love intoxicating are lives

Alas fantasy ends, I reach reality again
Where happiness is drained from my soul
Like blood dripping from ones heart
Into the pit of sorrow and despair

What is life without you?
A single obeying ordered doom
Are minds calling out for change?
Anything to run from fate

My lasting escape is the dreams in the night
Reloading my mind into the world of fools
Those that are blinded by their fake realties
Hoping for their dreams to come true

[This message has been edited by RedStoneEB (06-10-2003 03:43 AM).]

SCREAMIN
Member

since 2003-04-28

Posts 51
US, Tx

1 posted 2003-06-10 12:51 PM

All I have to say is "there" (at the end) should be "their"; and "sky's" should be "skies".
Other than that, I loved it.

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

2 posted 2003-06-10 05:42 PM

Hi

I am not the one to comment on form, rhyme, meter etc... but just a few things I noticed, hope you don't mind...

"The dreams I have of you
Standing out in moonlit skies
Soaking up the rays of light
Like love intoxicating are lives"

       I suppose are should be "our"

"Alas fantasy ends, I reach reality again
Where happiness is drained from my soul
Like blood dripping from ones heart
Into the pit of sorrow and despair"

I think Alas! always stands as a sentence (though I may be wrong) and hence the first line could be
Alas! Fantasy ends, I reach reality again

      Also ones should be "one's"...

"My lasting escape is the dreams in the night
Reloading my mind into the world of fools
Those that are blinded by their fake realties
Hoping for their dreams to come true"

      realties should be realities"

Regards,
Sudhir

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