Woken by the sound of an argument.

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Critical Analysis #2

Woken by the sound of an argument.

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

0 posted 2003-06-08 05:09 PM

Woken by the sound of an argument.

It must be late as the milk floats
through the streets
of dirty windows and littered doorsteps
guarded by a pint of best
served cold
from cloudless starry sky
high expectations broken
words echo through the walls
of defence flung up
stairs the children cry
but not over spilt
milk floats through the streets
it must be late.

even kittens can kill

hush
Senior Member

since 2001-05-27

Posts 1653
Ohio, USA

1 posted 2003-06-10 12:21 PM

I really like this, especially the way the lines trip into each other. I only have one suggestion... make 'pint of best served cold' one line... it's the only really jarring point. Other than that, I think you pulled the flow off really well and I really like the imagery, as well as the title as a perfect accent (and explanation).

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

2 posted 2003-06-10 04:15 PM

Thanks Hush, It's a really obvious comment, I'm just suprised I missed it myself

Ladybug
Member

since 2003-06-17

Posts 236
Massachusetts

3 posted 2003-06-20 06:22 PM

Hi Marshal! I truly enjoyed this poem...very creative and well-written. I love the title, so simple yet it "unpacks" the poem for the reader. On a side note, I must ask, why are kittens evil?

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

4 posted 2003-06-20 10:41 PM

Ladybug, kittens are supposedly evil because he knows that I'm a cat person (hence my "puppies are evil")... lol actually I don't think that's the reason, he's just twisted that way... I taught him well

ANYWAY. Andrew. Your poem. I've read it before. (stopping with the two syllable sentences now lol) I don't have anything critical to say about it this time either (what good am I, eh?), other than that bit that hush pointed out and yeah.
This is me... leaving... to do... something... *wanders off in a daze*

It is said the Creator has taken a handful of South Wind and given each newborn Arabian the power of flight without wings

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