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Critical Analysis #2
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would you hate me more?
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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would you hate me more? |
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raevynsbreath Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 64Mi, USA |
i've become something i used to hate a blind little girl must be fate i keep hurting you how much can you take? i'll rip your heart away -i know this isn't great, so tell me what i can do and i will try to follow what you suggest.thanks. _rae |
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| © Copyright 2003 _rae - All Rights Reserved | |||
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V. Tomir Junior Member
since 2003-06-08
Posts 20 |
Mrs. Raevynsbreath My first suggestion would be to give yourself a pat on the back for such a clever name. My second suggestion is to either file this poem inside a shoebox, then tape that box shut, dig a deep hole, place that box inside the hole and proceed to fill the hole with cement. Or less dramatic, throw it in the garbage. There is absolutely nothing original about this poem, its too short to say anything and too trite to mean anything other than to the writer. Try reading some published poetry and try to learn the art form you wish to practise. "Would you hate me more?" - the answer is yes if this is the quality of poetry you post. Regards. |
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raevynsbreath Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 64Mi, USA |
well mr. tomir. thank you for such a kind comment. i need not think i owe any explanation for the work itself. so i shall not. but i'd like to take a minute and allow you to realize that i have other poetry here, and if you'd like to reply to them as well, with such booming disgrace, then i suggest to quit wasting your time. good evening mr. tomir. _rae |
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V. Tomir Junior Member
since 2003-06-08
Posts 20 |
Mrs. Breath I need not have an explanation for your work nor was I asking for you to validate it. Anyone with a grade school education can easily comprehend this poem. And yes, unfortunately, I have read your other work. I would gladly explain to you of the many gross errors you commit whilst writing poetry, however, I am certain that because you are too proud of your work, that you would either be too stubborn to accept proper advice or too lazy to follow it. Regards. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Mr Tomir, Critiquing poetry is what we do here. Personal attacks on the poets, regardless of the quality of their work, is strictly forbidden. Until this, all but one of your many comments have been distasteful and rude at best. This one, however, is unacceptable. READ THE GUIDELINES. |
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raevynsbreath Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 64Mi, USA |
mr. tomir. you give no comprehensive advice to speak of. there is nothing in any of the crude replies i have received that have told me i need to change something. all you've had to say is stop writing. it's not a very helpful hint if i don't plan on such. i think instead of being so critical of others, maybe you should think about putting some of this pent up emotion you have into something more useful. attacking people here isn't going to get you anywhere. good day. _rae |
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V. Tomir Junior Member
since 2003-06-08
Posts 20 |
Mrs. Breath I did not ask for your resignation as a writer. I merely suggested that you should learn about poetry before attempting it. And of course I suggested you throw this poem out as well. It really is a poorly thought out poem. I would cite individual lines but every line in the poem fails. There is in fact, not a single redeeming line. So again my advice is to throw this poem away unless of course you hang it above your writing space as a reminder of how not to write poetry that you intend to share with others. Regards. |
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