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Ether
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Ether |
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davidmerriman Member
since 2003-04-30
Posts 123Dallas, TX |
Here lies a man who lived in others Carefully glancing at two lovers, He dwelled on why he thought above her. He knew she knew of many others. He knew the reason of his stutter, When he prepared to say he loved her. Why, never him, always another. He wished he was one of the others. Never would he touch his treasure. And through others he would measure His own success, now a ledger Placed over his grave forever. He slipped in and out other's thoughts, His spirit roaming like a dreadnaught While breaking through each mind as it sought After the power the knowledge brought. He heard it all, the subconscious Of others; their facade of bliss Slipped into his own consciousness. How could he loathe a gift like this? For if he rested, cleared his eyes, Focused, let no blur reside, And ignored the panorama of lies; The faces and places that blur outside, He would see in third-person view Himself, a worthless wretch in two Now a shell of a body skewed, Absorbing his own sense's truth. And he looked at himself, naked, And he shook; he could not take it. Each insignificant break in His face; each flaw he would take in. Here he lies dead, though still alive. He studied others all his life. And although he enjoyed the knife, He would not dare to tell his wife. His wife, the one he hated most. No union, he would always host And let the screen make him a ghost, Floating like ether, dead to most. -- i am completely deaf to meter and stressed syllables, that is the thing i need the most work on. perhaps with a few edits... but anyways... does this poem honestly have merit? it's an example of my new "style", and i think it's good, but i want brutal, poetic oppinion. |
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