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Epitaph
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Epitaph |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
Epitaph Here I convert back to the dirt It's sweeter than all thoughts of man. And decompone, dusts to atone stronger substance no wrong, no chance. Mid a wormheap I take my sleep in solid fate and stable state engaged for aye to earth I stay mortal to lay faithful this way. No angel care No demon dare to pray or scream or dream my dream. |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Printed on those little cards: Now I lay me down to sleep an angels' wings will surely keep my heart, my soul alive throughout the sky above I'll dance about If rain may fall I will be near My silken wings will dry your tear On the urn: "The story of life is quicker than the wink of an eye, the story of love is hello and goodbye. Until we meet again" - James Marshall Hendrix --------------------------------------------------- Do not know if this is what you were looking for - but this is what I would do - I really tried to be morbid . . . [This message has been edited by littlewing (04-13-2003 06:05 AM).] |
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Seth Member
since 2003-04-13
Posts 74Arizona |
I think the work as a whole is quite good. The idea is there, but there is something about the way it flows...I guess I'm having trouble picking out a single voice, almost as if several were speaking the same idea at once. The only concrete thing I can give you is this: No angel care No demon dare to pray or scream or dream my dream. might sound better as: No angel care Nor demon dare to pray or to scream Nor to dream my dream Or something along those lines, possibly the simple inclusion of the word "nor". ~Seth |
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