If I could retrieve the arrow of love (Sonnet)

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Critical Analysis #2

If I could retrieve the arrow of love (Sonnet)

The Exile
Member

since 2001-07-14

Posts 52
Ontario, Canada

0 posted 2003-03-29 07:19 PM

If I could retrieve love’s arrow flying by,
I would hold you forever in my arms,
And never again let your tears run dry,
And let no more loneliness do you harm.
If my selfish love to you is a crime,
I rather forfeit my life and all else,
Than to leave passion leashed at its prime,
Besides your eyes, and your smile - think I what else?
Once more - time has charged its fatal price,
On two lovers - who reluctantly part.
And tomorrow, the sun will also rise,
Smiling onto my empty boat from far.
If I could retrieve the arrow of love,
Would you fly with me, to the stars above?

SimplyGold
Senior Member

since 2002-07-10

Posts 1453

1 posted 2003-03-29 11:17 PM

Exile,

I can only say that I enjoyed this very much.
On the technical side I can't be of much help. Maybe some of the others can provide guidance on the subject of sonnets.

SG

majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

2 posted 2003-03-30 02:18 AM

technically you have the basic form of an english sonnet espite the lack of iambic pentameter and the fact that in the third quatrain the rhyme is tenuous, at best.

in terms of content, frankly, i found it tiresome. the idea of love's arrow is overdone, and your take is far from original.

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

3 posted 2003-04-03 03:06 AM

I have to agree with Majnu.

There is little substance here..it seems to me you might have read a few sonnets...got caught up in the romantic drama and done a copy-cat job...

I suggest writing something from the guts..not just the heart...but the guts of yourself, without the Romantic airs...

I have a feeling you have writerish potential..

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