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Critical Analysis #2
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Concupiscence
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Concupiscence |
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Requiem New Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 7 |
These were written as song lyrics, as most everything I write is, though with my lack of singing ability they're cursed (please don't take this as an attack) to be read-only poetry. Critique form if you like, but don't think I've taken it into mind, or ever will. Heh. Concupiscence ----------------------- Mixing substances Like so many temporary heroes I'll forget by tommorow Suffocated amphetamines So many ideal idol dreams Lethargy themes Phosphate functions Larynx angst Verbose narcotic I want to write something beautiful For the epilogue Requiem nostalgia The cheers are gonna burn Across a jagged white smile Lethargy themes Phosphate functions Laryxn angst Verbose narcotic I just can't wait There got the goals I just can't wait There go my goals Remember To Smile(TM). |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
Not certain where to pull the punches for and where to lay into song lyrics, but I did note that the last stanza seems out of place. Why? All one syllable words after what was a rather verbose first four stanzas. But maybe contrast was the effect you were hoping for. Goodluck. Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion. |
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