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Critical Analysis #2
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smilinmike
New Member
since 2003-02-07
Posts 5


0 posted 2003-02-16 11:34 PM


SAY GRACE


Somewhere between hope and destiny
I saw a glimpse of what lay
Inside the rest of me
I was clear
Clean as a tear
Walked with a goddess near
I ate seasons
When stars were lined up for specific reasons
For breakfast
And it was magnificant
In the late afternoon
I saw a lady bug in the place of a rune
The world was beautiful
A crystal
Its surface a womb
And it was doomed
When all it needs to do
Is change the tune
Vibration
Collaboration
Network the world
Nation by nation
Showing love
Empathy and patience
Give away what
I need to be free
And face what can lay
In a days grace


© Copyright 2003 smilinmike - All Rights Reserved
Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
1 posted 2003-02-20 03:41 AM


When all it needs to do
Is change the tune

What a terrific eye opening poem and I hope with my vote it goes up to the top so others can read your work.  I enjoyed this.

          
~* Carpe' Diem *~  

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

2 posted 2003-02-21 01:40 PM


I enjoy how this one gets images spinning in your head, and the resolution to them. You didn't pick a good forum to get your poem voted in -- most people are using the Reflections forum for that purpose. Still, here's my vote.
vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
3 posted 2003-02-24 02:20 AM



smilinmike~
I really like this...enjoyed the ride it took my mind on.
Wonderfully done.
~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

GoldenIllusions111
Junior Member
since 2003-02-25
Posts 18

4 posted 2003-02-25 02:11 PM


I really enjoyed the original style and images here. imo  the poem should have ended with the word womb, after that it seemed another thought another poem, before that it started as so very original sort of sensual and erotic.....just my opinion  either way good write!

Golden*

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

5 posted 2003-02-26 02:55 PM


Sometimes you toss your rhymes with abandon, but you bring it to a controlled close. Look forward to seeing more from you.
Mistletoe Angel
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Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
6 posted 2003-03-08 05:46 PM




(smiles) I just love the grace that fills this, sweet friend, let your spirit be free and sing for the day! (big hugggssssss) God Bless You, sweet friend, this is wonderful, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
7 posted 2003-03-15 03:21 PM


I don't know if you meant to do this but as I read it, I thought of rap songs...I enjoyed the rhythm of your poem. I also look forward to reading more from you!
Alicethruglass
Member
since 2001-06-19
Posts 368

8 posted 2003-03-20 08:02 PM


"Network the world
Nation by nation
Showing love
Empathy and patience
Give away what
I need to be free"

a very compassionate poem...and I  really enjoyed the subtleness of rhyme

WhiteRose
Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon
9 posted 2003-03-20 11:07 PM


I ate seasons
When stars were lined up for specific reasons
For breakfast
And it was magnificant
In the late afternoon
I saw a lady bug in the place of a rune
The world was beautiful

Yes, I love the write of this!

SimplyGold
Senior Member
since 2002-07-10
Posts 1453

10 posted 2003-03-23 05:38 PM


Yes, I concur with WhiteRose.
SG

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