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Critical Analysis #2
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Icicle Tears
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Icicle Tears |
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rOxXbabY391 Member
since 2002-12-14
Posts 71 |
Cold Freezing Try not to cry Icicle Tears Fill my eyes Please Night Turn into day And melt his cold heart away "I don't think I can make it through one more night. 'Cause how do you answer "What's wrong?" ~ when nothing is right. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Emily Calandrelli - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Emily, Although it is a well worn story line, this works pretty well. I just have a couple of suggestions. In L3, trying is more correct than try and it sounds better to me too. Then icicle and tears should be on the same line as icicle is used as a modifier for tears in this case, like an adjective substitute (I know there is a name for that but can't remember high school English today). I would also place please night on one line. I don't mean to rewrite your poem but this is how it would look. Cold Freezing Trying not to cry Icicle tears Fill my eyes Please night Turn into day And melt his cold heart away JMHO, Pete |
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rOxXbabY391 Member
since 2002-12-14
Posts 71 |
GOOD IDEA! i like it! thank you! :-D "I don't think I can make it through one more night. 'Cause how do you answer "What's wrong?" ~ when nothing is right. |
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