Critical Analysis #2 |
first entry |
CloudedDreams Member
since 2002-11-23
Posts 210My Fantasy Realm |
I never been to this forum before, i mainly hang out in teen section Lemme know what you think of this.... Reality The milky, white moon, with its aged hands Caresses the young stars to wake from daylong slumber The evening wind whispers sweet nothings To the restless leaves on the countless trees A tired mother watches her children sleep Smiling, reflecting on the busy day The glancing at her husband, forever faithful Realizing them both have withstood much trial A lonley girl stares at her crumbling cieling Wiping a lone tear off her cold cheek She's so tired, but cannot sleep For anger and sadness tear at her soul A young couple sits in a deserted park Gazing deeply into eachothers eyes Letting nothing but the nigh brezze come between them they say nothing, for the silence speaks for love A frustrated baby cries in a broke crib For a mother who pretends not to hear But even if the girl did care for the child There is an empty carton in the moldy fridge A depressed neurotic finally breaks His pills and liquor have lost their appeal The slap of reality would've killed him That is, if he hadn't pulled the trigger first the night spins its spell of enchantment Changing fate's course and alters destiny So as the sun rises to greet the morning The world she sees isn't quite the same |
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© Copyright 2002 Eliza K. - All Rights Reserved | |||
rOxXbabY391 Member
since 2002-12-14
Posts 71 |
heyYy i thought your poem was really good, I think it would have been even better if it rhymed though. It would have flowed better. but dont get me wrong this was very good i just like poems that rhyme "A lonley girl stares at her crumbling cieling Wiping a lone tear off her cold cheek She's so tired, but cannot sleep For anger and sadness tear at her soul" thats really good! :-D ~*~eMiLy~*~ "I don't think I can make it through one more night. 'Cause how do you answer "What's wrong?" ~ when nothing is right. |
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